# Big

Alicia on the beach

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Big.

'BIG IS A PHILOSOPHICAL CONCEPT USED TO DESCRIBE ANYTHING THAT IS NOT small. THERE ARE NUMEROUS VARIETIES OF BIG, INCLUDING HUGE, VAST AND FUCKING GINORMOUS, HOWEVER THE LAST OF THESE HAS ONLY BEEN USED WHEN DESCRIBING ROSIE O'DONNELL'S ARSE. THE SUPERIORITY OF BIG IS A CONSTANT THROUGH TIME, THE BIG BANG WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATING THE UNIVERSE, WHEREAS THE SMALL POP AND MEDIOCRE THUD WERE NOT EVEN ENOUGH TO RESULT IN THE CREATION OF A MINOR DEITY SUCH AS ALLAH. WHEN CONSIDERING BIG IT IS IMPORTANT TO KEEP A SENSE OF PERSPECTIVE. WHAT APPEARS BIG TO SOME MAY NOT BE BIG TO OTHERS, AGAIN THE ONLY EXCEPTION TO THIS RULE IS ROSIE O'DONNELL'S ARSE, WHICH IS HUGE NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE.

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## BIG IN POPULAR CULTURE

BESIDES THE GRATUITOUS USE OF THE TERM "BIG UP" THE USE OF BIG HAS FALLEN OUT OF POPULARITY IN THE MASS MEDIA. SMALL IS NOW SEEN AS GOOD, AND NUMEROUS CELEBRITIES HAVE MADE A CAREER OUT OF NOT BEING BIG, FOR EXAMPLE PARIS HILTON AND THAT DUDE OUT OF LORD OF THE RINGS. DESPITE THESE ANTI-BIG WEIRDOS THE NATION IS FIGHTING BACK WITH MCDONALDS CURRENTLY LEADING THE WAY. THE GLOBE HAS TAKEN TO ARMS AND IS GUZZLING SUPER-SIZE VALUE MEALS AT A TREMENDOUS RATE. INDEED IT IS MCDONALD'S MANY DIFFERENT VARIETIES OF A "BIG" MEAL THAT IS PROVING SO POPULAR. NOT CONTENT WITH JUST PROVIDING A LARGE MEAL, "MCD'S" PROVIDES THE CONSUMER WITH A CHOICE BETWEEN BIG, SUPER-SIZE, SUPER-SUPER-SIZE AND THE EVER POPULAR "FAT BASTARD SPECIAL". IT IS WITH THESE TACTICS THAT BIG WILL ONCE AGAIN REIGN SUPREME.'