Bill Maher
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They may even work at Focus on the Family, be a hard-working farmer, or, worse, be an unelected conservative activist judge.
For information on the best way to save our great nation from scum like this read the Daily Kos.
(Psst. He's probably also a Nazi; quick! Play the race card!)
William Maher Jr is a comedian that supports recreational drug use, prostitution, animal rights, while constantly ranting about religion and the American lifestyle. Maher claims to be a libertarian. Though he often complains about the country's failings he insists that he does not hate America, but rather believes that the greatest country in the world needs to start acing like it. He also likes to make lots of new rules.
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[edit] Early Life
Bill Maher was born to a Jewish whore and Catholic cough syrup addicted father in Jew York City on January 20, 1956. Despite the fact his mother was Jewish little Billy attended Catholic mass every Sunday. Like most people with fully functioning brains, exposure to religion created a resentment for it within him.
In Middle school and high school Bill was bullied by the other children. He was robbed, beaten, sodomized, and forced to wear drag and walk around the track. After high school, Maher enrolled Cornell University and received a degree in the Pussie(spelled "pussy" by those of us with brains) Liberal Arts.
Bill went to a community college for his first two years of college. He met a girl there named Helga who suprised him at his house one day, cut off his balls and rammed an iron pole up his ass. He had lost his manhood. The very next day he met her sister Olga. She too had it out for him and she punched a straw through his head and drank his brains out. This explains his lack of intelligence.
[edit] God of Death and Trickery
Bill Maher is known by his followers, known as "scientists" (latin for satanists), as the God of Death and Trickery. They sacrifice hobos to him in order to create dimensional vortexes that make time travel possible and then they place fossils in the ground so they can be dug up years later and appear to support the theory of evolution. He is worshipped at the Church of Maher and needs to be fed babies on a regular basis. He is best known for eating the Lindbergh's baby. He is the archnemesis of Drinkus Alcoholicus and was the loser in the epic game of beer pong played between himself and Drinkus.
[edit] Talk Shows
[edit] Politically Incorrect
In 1993 Bill Maher was given a show at Comedy Central named Politically Incorrect. Maher used this show to spread his leftist propaganda of wanting to discuss things that we're normally supposed to shut up and not question. In 1996 the show was picked up by those bastards at ABC. In 2001 in the wake of the September 11th attacks Maher said
"If only they had just flown a plane into president bush"
Bill Maher's trick was to rip on the rich, white people, George Bush and christianity in order to give the perception of being politically incorrect. Maher had his peepee slapped by executives for mentioning some of the reasons why Oprah cannot keep her weight off.--Mark douglazzz 15:15, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
In the wake of Maher’s comments many uptight slow-witted hillbillies called for his execution. Slow-witted hillbillies being ABC's target audience, they promptly fired Mr. Maher.
[edit] Real Time
In 2003 Bill was given another show. Just like Politically Incorrect Maher Used ’’’Real Time’’’ show to promote more extremist viewpoints like freedom of speech and not murdering the innocent. Though Maher is often critical of religion he has always said Jesus was a good role model and wouldn't mind taking a bong hit with him.
Below is a quote from Bill Maher's HBO TV series Real Time that aired March, 31, 2006. Although delivered in jest, it sheds some light into the Bush administration's respect for the public and the laws of our nation:
NEW RUEL:
Nobody can use the phrase "our greatest problem" anymore unless you're talking about global warming. President Bush has been saying we are in a war on "terror," and now I get it. He's not saying "terror."; he's saying "terra," as in terra firma; as in the Earth.
George Bush is an alien sent here to destroy the Earth. I know it sounds strange, it made perfect sense when Tom Cruise explained it to me last week.
Now, last week on _60 Minutes_, James Hensen, who is NASA's leading expert on the science of climate, delivered the world's most important message. He said, "we have to, in the next ten years, begin to decrease the rate of carbon dioxide emissions, and then flatten it out. If that doesn't happen in ten years, we're going to be passing certain tipping points."
If the ice sheets begin to disintegrate, what can you do about it? You can't tie a rope around an ice sheet, although I know a certain cowboy from Crawford who might think you could. And that cowboy and his corporate goons at the White House tried to censor Mr. Hansen from delivering that message claiming such warnings were speculative. Ha ha. This from the crowd who rushed into a war based on an article in the Weekly Standard. This from the guy who thinks Kyoto is that Japanese emperor dude his dad threw up on.
Global warming is not speculative. It threatens us enough, so that would be considered a national security issue. Failing to warn the citizens of a looming weapon of mass destruction, and that's what global warming is, in order to protect oil company profits, well that fits for me the definition of treason; uncodified treason.
The guy in the White House who made the edits was Phil Coney, who had been an oil industry lobbyist before given this job as head of the White House Council on Environmental Quality. This is the office that is supposed to be watching out for us. That's where Phil busied himself crossing stuff out in scientists' reports. Apparently in Phil's mind, he hadn't switched jobs. He was just doing his old job, oil industry lobbyist, from a different office. You know. In the peoples' house.
Republicans have succeeded in making the environment about some tie-died douche from Seattle who lives in a solar powered yurt and eats twigs. It's not.
This issue should be driven by something conservatives are much more familiar with, utter selfishness. That's my motivation. I don't wanta live my golden years having to put on a Hasmet suit just to go down and get the mail. Those are my Viagra years. When I'll be thinking about having children. But I wouldn't know what to tell a kid about our world in twenty years.
"Dad tell me about the birds and bees." "They're all gone; now eat your Soilent Green." We are letting dying men kill our planet for cash, and they are counting on us being too greedy or distracted, or just plane lazy, to stop them.
So on this day, the 17th anniversary of the Exxon Valdez oil spill, let us pause to consider how close we are to making ourselves fossils from the fossil fuels we extract. In the next twenty years, almost a billion Chinese people will be trading in their bicycles for the automobile. Folks, we either get our shit together on this quickly, or we're going to have to go to plan 'B': inventing a car that runs on Chinese people.
[edit] Relationship with God
Maher has frequently come to violent terms with the creator of the Universe. Although Maher has commended God for creating Kim Jung-il in the clouds. On January 21, 2009, Maher called God a "Category 5 moron" that is not even qualified to run Wasilla, Alaska, let alone the universe. God's press secretary Bill Peters called the claim "hurtful."
“Maybe I'm off my nut, but he's got some logic to his claims!”
~ God on Bill Maher
[edit] The Tonight Show
Brash humorist Bill Maher had this to say about president shit for brains on the February 27, 2007 Tonight Show hosted by Jay Leno:
This man. I mean, come on. Let's get real... The science is in on this question... The people who were defending him were saying he was just inarticulate, but 'inarticulate' doesn't explain foreign policy. I mean, it's not that complicated. The man is a rube. He is a dolt. He is a yokel on the world stage, a Gilligan who cannot find his ass with two hands. He is a vain halfwit, who interrupts one incoherent sentence with another incoherent sentence. I hope I'm not piling on... I'm just saying... Here's George Bush, the 'decider, deciding all on his own, that this is a good idea. This was not a recommendation from our commanders on the ground. This was not a recommendation from the Iraq Study Group, as you know. It's not supported by the American people. It's not supported by the Iraqi people. It's just President Charles-in-Charge, spitballin', thinkin' outside the bun, and saying to himself, "Everybody else is wrong. I alone know what the right answer is. I got everybody else's recommendations. I, you know, I talk to the Big Guy, so I know..." And even the Pope said he was wrong... This recovering alcoholic from Midland, Texas, he cannot be wrong, at any point.
