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Biofuel is the scientific term for any non-oil related flammable substance. Common biofuels include corn, fruits, vegetables, corn, trees, corn, whales, humans, corn, and the entire state of Iowa.

Biofuel, despite its name meaning life-based fuel, does not include oil. It is a sensible alternative to oil, largely due to not being oil. It is easy to grow, easy to harvest, and only takes up a small amount of space.

Reasons to use Biofuel[edit]

  1. It is not oil.
  2. It is an alternative to oil.
  3. It lacks oil-related qualities, such as being oil.
  4. It does not contribute to global warming (Al Gore is the only thing in the known world that causes it).
  5. Unlike oil, it is not oil.
  6. By burning the alcohol in biofuel, we are depriving drunks of alcohol (which we made).
  7. It does not begin with the letter O, like other words such as Oil.
  8. Biofuel is indeed flammable, thus it can be shoved in a gas tank with no questions asked.
  9. By using Biofuels such as Soylent Green, we cut down on overpopulation significantly.
  10. We're totally desperate for some form of alternate energy even though we're just gonna use solar for everything anyway.
  11. The government knows what's best and has subsidized this, so we get paid to use biofuels. But don't tell Greenpeace that's the only reason we're doing it, as it would hurt their feelings.
  12. It can be mixed with soap, which proves it's not oil.


An ideal map of biofuel-harvesting locations. This particular plan can supply enough fuel for approximatley half of the automobile-owning population. Luckily, we wouldn't have to worry about the other half as they would would die of starvation.

A number of heretics have dared to oppose the use of biofuel. Their arguments amount to nothing more than superstition, such as:

  • Biofuels would take up way too much space. As shown to the right, biofuel could easily be harvested if we use the Earth efficiently.
  • Biofuels use too much food which people need to eat. Humans, however, are merely a part of the environment and therefore inferior to trees. So logically, replacing the deceased humans with trees could indeed compensate for their deaths.
  • Biofuel, much like oil, ends in the letter L. This can be easily fixed by purging this unholy letter from the english language.
  • Solar is far superior. Theres only a limited number of rays of light in the world. We cant just absorb them, or we could run out! Mankind must learn to make efficient use of what they have, not steal from the environment.
  • Biofuels might be made of carbon. Although this is true, its not the same as oil. Trust us, it just isn't.
  • Biofuels might be made of Martian guts, but they sure are tasty :D


It has become clear that if we are to advance, we must master biofuels. The oceans will be drained for more space for corn in 2012, with cornilization of the moon following in 2017. Most speculate that we will not have achieved true enlightenment without first draining the sun of all energy and replacing it with corn.

Other Biofuels[edit]


Humans are widely considered to be the most useless form of life. By burning them we cause virtually no harm to the environment. Unfortunately humans are very territorial and dangerous, and may object to being burned as a source of fuel. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO USE THEM AS FUEL.


Widely considered to be the highest forms of life, the destruction of trees is a form of high blasphemy. Also, it is heavily guarded by tree huggers. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BURN TREES AS FUEL.


Beer is a type of alcohol and burning it would cause no harm to the environment. But because it is heavily guarded by alcoholics and drunkards, the chance of obtaining it is extremely low. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO USE IT AS FUEL.

Alcoholics and drunkards are especially dangerous when they look harmless. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STEAL BEER FROM THEM.

See also[edit]