Bird

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"Is it a bird, is it a plane, oh no, wait, it's just a bird"

The Bird is a small animal native to North America. Birds are mainly found in jet engines, oil belts, and below electric power lines. Some examples can be seen to the right. Sometimes they steal quarters.

Mr. Rogers improvising after losing his "X the Owl" puppet
Bird Brain

Birds. What are Birds? We just don't know!

Birds, who said anything about birds? Oh well, I don’t actually recall it. Alzheimer sucks. What was I writing again? The simple thought flew away from me.

Birds, yeah, birds, those cute little feathered bastards. It is a pity that they don’t taste all like chicken. I love chicken, don’t you? Well, nobody’s perfect. Pork is also delicious, especially with coconut cake.

Contrary to popular belief birds are incapable of flying and are just very stubborn. Until the problem is solved, birds are free to shit all over Newtons memorial.

Not to be confused with flying fish.

Some recent theories from Professor August T. Bluckburnblust suggest birds belong to the natural order Ophidia and are actually related to whales, dolphins and other reptiles.

Or, according to the educational science series 'Look Around You': 'What is water? It's an interesting question because water is almost impossible to describe. One could ask the same about birds. What are birds? We just don't know'.

According to some scientists, birds seem to be related to the dinosaurs via their mothers' third cousin five times removed. Barney was invited to the bird family reunion; unfortunately (for him, anyway) he was suddenly smote dead by God in 2006 while the invitation was still in the mail.

[edit] Interesting Bird Facts

  • A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird

Some bird have huge balls, which makes them unable to fly. Examples: Ducks, Ostriches and Madonna. B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a don't you know about the bird? Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!

  • Also an English noun denoting the female of the species as in "My bird's got a cracking set of threps but if you so much as look at 'em I'll kill ya".
  • Birds go "GAW GAW!" which stands for "God Always Wins! God Always Wins!", which shows that birds do praise God and indeed go to heaven, in accordance with His divine providence. Don't even try and tell me this is wrong, because my freshman year theology teacher said it was true.
  • Baby birds are called bees.
  • Birds have beaks, which everyone knows they use to render people beaked through the head, the #1 cause of human death worldwide. Hence the expression "That's about as much fun as being beaked through the head".
  • Due to their habit of eating insects, small birds are treated as sacred to Skuld, goddess of debugging, and were held in respect among her worshippers in ancient Geece.
  • Birds are actually a cult that dedicate their lives to breaking car windows and headlights (or taillights in some extreme cases). They also are known to wait until your car is immaculate before they let fire a shower of crap on your windshield.
  • The bird is equal to or greater than the word

[edit] Types of Bird

Buh?

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This Space for rent

[edit] See also

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