Birmingham Mud Riots of 682 AD

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The Birmingham Poop Riots of 682 AD are a horrific reminder of what boredom can do to the general populace.

“I'm surprised Alabama had invented mud by then”

~ Tamia
A sample of actual poop thrown in the Birmingham Poop Riots of 682 AD


Birmingham 682 AD; after recovering from the Great Burnination there were furious poop riots caused by an apparent lack of anything worthwhile to do or accomplish. Locals and indeed, puddings, lepers and taxmen took part in the massive poop riots which lasted a fairly long stretch of time. The rioters eventually polarized into three differing factions (Scientologists, Americans, Midgets), all of which believed that they were the peacekeeping force in Birmingham. These three were stalemated since they were of equal size, strength and stupidity. Eventually after 6 years of civil strife two of the factions noted joined forces to stamp out the other, but then turned on themselves after being unable to reconcile fundamental differences of opinion. It is unknown to this day which party was destroyed first.

The Factions[edit]

The Americans[edit]

Due to the American Continent Mass not existing until Christopher Columbus manufactured it to prevent falling of the edge of the Earth, all Americans resided in Birmingham and as such had a very skewed worldview. They thought that the world revolved around the undiscovered and unknown continent of America and as such were quite bigoted and of the far right religious persuasion.

The Scientologists[edit]

They're messed up in the head anyway. There is no need for an explanation of why these apparent braindead wackos joined together. Legend has it that this was the first faction to be completely annihilated after the other two joined forces.

The Midgets[edit]

This faction is pure speculation. The third secretive faction has no real verifiable records of its own existence. The only way it has actually been found to exist is that it is mentioned in the Bible as being the Third Kingdom prophesized and also in the Manifestos of the other two parties as being "the other party which you also shouldn't join".

In-depth Analysis of Cultural and Economic Issues of why the riots occurred[edit]

They were bored and poor. Hence poop.

Effects on present day politics and current events[edit]

Not that much really, they still speak funny in Birmingham and Americans, Scientologists and Midgets are still around.

Articles Related to the Birmingham Poop Riots of 682 AD[edit]

  • Americans - One of the warring riot factions involved
  • Birmingham - Where it all took place
  • Midgets - One of the warring riot factions involved, unverified at present
  • Scientology - One of the warring riot factions involved
  • Scunthorpe - England's new Chief Economic City because of the poop riots