Blab Attack

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A deadly barrage of words produced by Old People. It kills quickly and silently. The Government has spent billions of dollars to discover why telling someone about a "melanoma" is so deadly.

Stage 1[edit]

Usually the blab attack begins with mention of how extremely hot/cold/moist/ugly the weather is (remember that the elements and forces of gravity are intensified for Old People).

By breaking off contact with the Old Person at this point, one may prevent the Blab Attack from sucking out one's gray matter. However, once Stage 2 of the blab attack is reached, all hope must be abandoned, as Satan's children will already be firing up the grill for you in Hell.

Stage 2[edit]

The most horrific part of the blab attack, characterized by introduction of the Health Problem into conversation. Once the talk of Gout, Osteoporosis or other corrosively uninteresting mis-healthy phenomena begins, consciousness slips away and the soul is rent from the feeble mortal frame, and life takes another sickening lurch downhill.