Black Eyed Peas
“The only reason I don't smite the Black Eyed Peas from this Earth is that they amuse me somehow.”
“...and apparently i am the only person in the world who refers to fergie as fergatha.”
“I am Will.”
The Black Eyed Peas were formed in 48751 B.C (NOT FUNNY hence the fucking strikethrough) when will.i.aren't met Fergie when they both attended a Narcotics Anonymous meeting in Branson, Missouri. According to avid BEP fans, the fateful meeting occurred when Will's obese pet chihuahua (Strikethrough's, yeaah) spotted Fergie and began avidly dry humping her leg. Fergie was delighted, and the Black Eyed Peas were born. Those other members of the band all joined later(c'mon, all of you KNOW you just look at Fergie's tits> ewwww...Fergie in the videos...) It is a little known fact that all of the members of the Black Eyed Peas are chefs. They were catapulted to stardom in 2003 with their breakthrough single Where is the Glove?, a song about losing and finding oven gloves (Ove Gloves to be exact). In a recent interview, Fergie admitted that the more recent single My Humps is actually about making muffins, not boobs. To the despair of teenaged perverts everywhere, she went on to announce that she is actually a lesbian. All they can do now is hope that she goes Paris Hilton and makes a video....
The current members of the Black Eyed Peas are:
- That Mexican guy who looks Asian
- Doogie Hauser
In 1994, Bill Clinton left the Black Eyed Peas because he did not inhale and the rest of the band were forcing him to have sexual relations with a water pipe. He left amid allegations of sodomy and went on to form his own band, the Democrats, whose blend of 90's Taiwanese pop-punk ensured their ongoing failure.
In 1998, Bob the Giraffe left the band, citing musical differences. Much name-calling and threats of a lawsuit surrounded his departure, however, in an exclusive
massage interview with CNN journalist Tim Cracker, Fergie admitted that the band agreed to kick Bob out because he liked the kittens a bit too much. Bob responded with a press release in which he noted that the combination of will.i.am's clothes and kittens were just too much for him. Shortly after this conference he was seen to stare fixedly at the camera before running out of the building screaming "HOLY SHIT A GIANT SLOTH". He has not been seen since.
In my research for this article, I have noticed that there are 3 types of BEP fan:
- a.) The fan who buys the CD hoping there will be softcore porn photos of Fergie in the booklet, á la Britney Spears.
- b.) See a.)
- c.) The fan who truly believes that his heart has been phunked by the sound of several thousand synthesizers going at once, and buys the CD for pure musical reasons. This is the type of person also known to have freckles on their palms, and be inclined to compulsive masturbation.
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