Black Mesa (video game)

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
(Redirected from Black Mesa)
Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo10.gif
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Black Mesa (video game).


Blak Meas
Does This Look Familiar

Blak Meas (or Blak Meas: Sauce) is both a third-party total conversion mod currently being made by lemon party games and the black mesa team, it is also a pretty crappy remake of the 1674 video game Half-Life. The ultimate goal of the mod is to ruin the original Half-Life from the ground up, using the pitiful capabilities of the Source engine, the anitiquated graphics quality of Half-Life 2 and downgraded character AI, to create a new and more boring in-game world by introducing more crowbars, smaller environments and more White Supremacy propaganda. Blak Meas is projected to function with none of the next gen game engines with amazing graphics and good gameplay and will be available by anyone who owns Half Life 3, cost 70 thousand dollars, and will come in a nitroglycerin casing with a letterbomb inside which will explode upon opening the game packaging when it is purchased in a 2-for-1 offer with Duke Nukem Forever. The suffering and destruction will rival that of 9/11 itself and will undoubtably spark World War 3.

Overview[edit]

Blak Meas make me mad!

Blak Meas: Sauce, which began in November 2002, was born of the sexual excitement fans experienced when playing Half-Life: Source; when considering the living environment Valve created with Half-Life 2 using the Source engine, the original game was exemplary of what many players thought could be done with the software, basically being a complete remake, adding improved water and lighting effects along with the inclusion of ragdoll physics. According to the developers,

Cquote1.png Blak Meas: Sauce was built and founded on the principle that Half-Life: Source did the original title credit...[Black Mesa] sets out to embarrass the original title, giving it smaller environments, ugly models, and more White Supremacy propoganda. Cquote2.png

Blak Meas won the Mod DB "Golden Feces Award" for the most unanticipated Half-Life 2 mod of 2005. Most likely due to the lack of publicity given to an unofficial third-party mod, Valve Corporation privately asked the producers of the mod to keep the "Sauce" part from the title to avoid confusion on whether it is a mod or not. It is an official Valve product, as of February 2009, when the team was provided additional internal tools.

Some of the chapters are far from completion and they have have yet to release images of the Gluon Gun, and some Xen aliens are still incomplete. The incompetent developers lack the skill to implement co-op gameplay, something only the PS2 version of Half-Life still has offer.

History[edit]

GET OFF MAH BACK BIATCH!!
  • On December 16, 2006, media release "Stage 22" was released, which featured a website, updated crowbar models, and pictures of the developement team firebombing a Synagogue whilst dressed in Schutzstaffel uniform.
  • On January 25, 2007, Blak Meas once again won the Mod DB "Golden Feces Award" for the most hoorible Half-Life 2 mod of 2006. The development team also submitted a teaser video of Shit Mesa Webmaster Josh Hubi's sister bouncing naked on a trampouline.
  • On January 26, 2007, an announcement was made looking for people to provide personal services, such as body-to-body nude oil massage.
  • On May 25, 2007, the Development team announced that they had enough money to hire hookers to voice the female scientists, and were searching for extremely cheap effects artists.
  • On December 24, 2007, a devblog (developer's blog) was first introduced on the Blak Meas website. Written by developers, it features weekly updates, including development news and tips on the practice of auto-fellatio.
  • On December 25, 2007, Josh Pubi released 17 new pornographic videos of his sister.
  • On November 19, 2008, in coinciding with the 100th anniversary of the release of Half-Life, new media and some random shit was released. A new trailer was said to be released when the incompetant developers knuckle down and do some work for a change.
  • On November 30, 2008, a new trailer was released, along with a 2050 release date.
  • On May 2, 2009, the server hosting Blak Meas's website and forums suffered from a total and complete hardware failure because one of the rednecks spilled their beer on the hard drive.(Josh Pubi repeatedly claimed the failure was due to "A sex orgy" during the making of the project.) The Blak Meas producers were retarded enough to keep there game files ON THEIR FORUM HARD DRIVE which meant the entire mod was lost. All the developers slit their wrists shortly after. Except for the webmaster Hubicorn (Dont need to play 20 questions to figure out who's gay) who decided to make the mod website into a simple website which has no affiliation with the mod whatsoever. It was now about unicorns and puppies and the only colour featured was pink. G. Aycock Hubi, Webmaster of Blak Meas (It is now called Unicorns FTW) website released the following statement regarding the hardware failure via their redneck friends: community forums: "HAHAHAHA THAT SHIT WAS FUNNY AS HELL!'".


Peter is always welcome at Blak Meas

List Of Actually Well Known BMS Dev's[edit]

Although they're developing this mod, these dev's are actually average people living average live's, making this thing on their spare time, here's examples of what i mean:

  • cman2k: Your average Puerto-Rican
  • Raminator: Your average He/She
  • CatEyes93: Your average... well I don't really know
  • James Kane: Your average Californian

The Forum Community[edit]

Sure you may think the forum you go too has to many trolls to count, but when you go to the Blak Meas forum, your greeted to some of the worst trolls known to mankind, they say the BMS forums are one of the worst forums ever, it even earned a award to shittiest forum of the year back in 2008!


List of well known BMS forum trolls[edit]

As said from above the forum has some of the worst trolls any forum has to offer, but here's 2 that you should look out for when on the site:

  • Kaze: Kaze is known to be the shit to the Blak Meas taco, he's not your average forum troll, he's not friendly, he's not even human, he's is a well known troll on the site, and probably the worst troll you'll face on any forum in your life, just trust me, stay away from this asshole of a troll, or your mind will be fucked to the point where you just don't want to live anymore.
  • Keresh: Your second worst nightmare, this he/she troll is deadly to those who are not careful, or at least just annoying, this guy s just as bad as Kaze, it is also a rumor that Keresh maybe Raminator's gay brother, and that he's been hired by the T.R.O.L.L team and gets paid by trolling forums besides the BMS forum, if you ever encounter him, stay away from him/her, he's/she's bad news.

List Of Well Known BMS Forum Moderators[edit]

Although nobody actually cares about the moderators and normally take any chance they can get to rip on them, here are a couple that stand out:

  • rAW_bEAN: Your average nerd mod
  • Brokenfridgehinge: Your average nobody mod

List Of Well Known BMS Forum Members[edit]

Although most Black Mesa forum member's are a bunch of nobody's, there are some that have somewhat recognition:

  • jambo: Your average BM veteran, a surly bugger who doesn't really bother with the BM discussion forums any more and just baits and spams in Off-Topic. Wait... he always did that.
  • Collision: Bscly a troll who hates everyone, after following the mod since it started he has grown tired of everything.
  • Hot#: Ultimate troll bait. Now, he spends his time lurking around the boards, as, once again, the faggot is ultimate troll bait and got his ass banned. Again. Third time i think.
  • zim: Some guy who used the same avatar and signature for over 9000 years. Recently changed his signature, but the old one was some shitty drawing that everyone adored for some reason.
  • P-Thunder: The forum alcoholic. Ugly as sin and feels the need to make himself feel better by posting pictures of himself constantly drunk with hired prostitutes.
  • Lamsey: Typical scruffy nerd who wears stupid hats and doesn't seem to get out much. Known to try and hit on internet girls constantly.


...other than those six, there's nobody else.

Blak Meas Comic?[edit]

An idea of a Blak Meas Sauce comic has recently been appearing and is being read on the forums, here are the characters:

Blak Meas Comic Characters:

Collision - Garbage Can

"That Scene" By Keresh the forum troll

Jambo - Poisen Headcrab

JohnKiller118 - Crowbar

Imonfire - Cardboard Box

Kaze - Rollermine

Repzik - Wooden Plank

Ballspot - Grass

Psyborg - Water

Brother Shrike - Sun

Zim - Headcrab

Nosehole - Zombie Torso

C00K3H - Hat

OldDirtyBastard - Billy Mays

Winged One - Combine Reflex Bitch

MaxTheLimit - ...Could Be Anywhere

Patonki - I Don't Think He's confirmed Yet Actually

Ramirezoid - Strider Brain

Siggs - Gingerbread Man

Duck - Duck

raw_bean - A Can

Spardyman - Dust

Sudpuzzer - Paint Can

Jokerine - Water Bottle

Dr. Perky - Rocket Launcher

Navman - Car

Sersoft - Leet Mofo

ijgs - Janitor Vort

Geekofalltrades - Bullsquid

Hubicorn - Gir

Eric Fong - Shotgun

Wasabi - Portal Gun

Soup - Jesus

CatzEyes93 - Bloodrayne

El_Chubba_Chubba - Tingle (What A Pussy)

Lamsey - Scatter Gun


Updates Are Coming Real Soon.


Raminator at his best

Soundtrack[edit]

An unoriginal soundtrack composed and produced by Joel (insert crappy last name here) will be released along with the modification itself, as well as independently shortly after the mod's release. Several songs for the game are already available at the official Lack Mesa website.