Black hole (product)

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Black hole.

Want the newest and best in housing equipment? Want a time conserving marvel of engineering? Then consider getting a Black Hole! Created by the bright minds of BCell Company, this new and more efficient design of the vacuum cleaner is the strongest yet. 100% customer satisfaction claims it is so strong that even light can't escape it!

The Black Hole uses a sophisticated system of ionized carbon, electromagnetic fields, and high powered magnets to generate Dark Matter to more cleanly absorb trash (hence the name Black Hole). The Dark Matter also acts as the best air filter yet so it cleans the air as you clean your house! Development has lasted for 15 years because the Black Hole has an extra feature for storage: A system of six heavy iron weights that rotate at high speeds twist the incoming trash into long strands. This method of storing trash is named Spaghettification because the result is a spaghetti of trash.

Many of the old vacuum cleaners can leak trash back through the nozzle when full. the Black Hole has solved this problem with an newly developed valve at the entrance of the trash bag, called the Point Of No Return. Also referred to as the Event Horizon, the valve uses a bright light (ironically called a white Hole) to burn off pressure from within the trash bag.

Albert Einstein and Ben Franklyn first considered the prospect of timespace and how it could improve storage in a car trunk. Now, that same principal has been realised in the Black Hole trash bag. The electromagnetic fields used to produce Dark Matter, are also used to channel time and convert it into space. The Black Hole absorbs half of the time it would usually take you to vacuum the house, and converts it into space for the spaghetti trash.

For large factories or work buildings, the Black Hole comes in a larger size marked Supermassive Black Hole, able to clean faster and hold even more garbage than the Black Hole! This type of technology is out of this world.

Other Uses?[edit]

The Black Hole technology has recently been expanded to the military star fleet. The NASA Military have discovered how to increase the power of the Dark Matter generator enough to be used with interstellar travel. By blasting the manipulated Black Hole machine into space, they are able to make a rift in space. Given the term Wormhole, this method of travel is constantly being sued by the producers of popular Sci-Fi series, including Star Trek, since the things in those shows are supposed to remain fictional to be entertaining.

Another use, as it turns out, is to save the universe's scientists from losing their minds! For a long time now, scientists have been angry that they lost 96% of the matter in the universe. When the head scientist, Bill Nye, was questioned, he said that the natural amount of Dark Matter has turned invisible and disappeared. To fix that, NASA Environmentalists have bought the right to produce Dark Matter into space to balance the missing natural Dark Matter.

For other uses see African American.