Blaintology

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

In basic terms, blaintology is the religion followed by blaintologists. The phenomenon is sweeping through parts of the third world, like America, with approximately three halves of the world's population being avid Blaine supporters/idiots. With at least a bajillion followers, David Blaine's miracles, such as standing in a glass box, sitting in a glass box and lying down in a glass box, are rivalling that of the original Jesus.

Yes, the most likely explanation for Sir David Blaine's magical powers, such as his incredible ability to look dopey, expressionless and dumb at the same time (see Vin Diesel), is that he is in fact a reincarnation of one of the Jesii. There is no scientific evidence for this, but it is fact. In fact, he may be a combination of Black Jesus and Stupid Jesus, which would account for his ability to be black and white simultaneously (see Eminem).

Blaine recently commemorated his time in prison in 31AD by imprisoning himself in a glass box in early 2007.5, although many believe that Derren Brown forced him into it. Still more people claim that when the guy was frozen in ice, this was actually a cover up to conceal the fact that evil blaine, banished into ice by less evil blaine, supergirl and Bruce Wayne's brother in the time of the original Jesus, was being revived. The famous ice trick is similar to one attempted by Captain Scott, but worked out a little better, mostly due to the highly evolved technological transporters on Starship Enterprise.

Blaintology involves a strict regime of being quite good at cards and sacrificing oneself, much in the fashion of Cesar Chavez.