Blink-182
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“it would be nice to have a blowjob from your mom”
~ blink-182 on your mom
“We wanna fuck a fucking dog”
~ blink-182 on fucking dogs
“I want to fuck THEM in the ass.”
~ Oscar Wilde on blink-182
blink-182 like to pretend they are a punk-rock band.
Contents |
[edit] Biography
[edit] Early career
When Blink-182 broke up, there was hope for the world, however, they re-grouped...
[edit] Military service
Blink-182 served aboard the last German submarine, named Blink-183 in honor of the crusading celebrities, to enter Alaskan waters before the Alaskan Protection Treaty of 1973.
The entry of Blink-182 ended the German-Alaskan War and brought an end to the pointless persecution of millions of enslaved Alaskans. They were released and each given a Burger Kings' Angus Meal by the German government. Blink-182 was named after its German creator Gorgof Blink. It was his 182nd submarine ever created, and the first one to actually work. Just before it reached Alaska, Blink-182 was punctured by scraping into a piece of the missing city of Atlantis lying on the Ocean floor and sank. Alaskans won the war without winning one battle thanks to Gorgof Blink and his crappy submarines. The Angus Meals tasted really good, though. "They like to fell chicken bones while sleeping," stated by pPoopstein. They are the greatest band in the world and your mom has a hot twat. I also must take a poop.
[edit] Discography
- Flytwatter (1800)
- Buhhda's Balls (1829)
- Chest Hair Cats (1849)
- Dude Ranch Dressing (1862)
- Enema Of My Grandpa (1873)
- The Mark Tom and Travis Porno (1876)
- Take Off Your Pants And Jack It Up My Ass (1885)
- Blink 182 Is Gay (1898)
- New Album That Sucks (3256)
[edit] Singles
blink-182 have had several hit singles, these include:
- Wasting Time thinking about Lance Bass
- Men+Men
- Lemmywinks
- Urine Shampoo
- Jose
- Manshit
- Don't Rape Me
- Right Now
- STD Syndrome
- Adam's Mom
- All The Small Penis'
- Stay Together For The Skids
- First Sex
- The Cock Show
- Feeling This Penis
- I Miss Poo
- Never
- I Peeked At The Girl Next Door
- Up
- Your Breath Smells Like Shit
- Stop
- Obvious....ly homosexual
- Anthem Part Poo
- Dysentery is fun
- Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker Tits Fart Turd 'n' Twat
- The Blowjob Song
- Emo
- I Wanna Fuck a Dog In The Ass (Extremely hard, without lubricant)
- Up All Night eating Lance Bass's poop.
- Ben Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Balls
[edit] Morethansex
Blink-182 are masters of the "sex" movement. The sex movement surfaced in the early 19th century, and continues on to this day. It experienced a resurge in the late 90s from the advent of punkpop and emo bands. These bands preached sexing as members of other groups such as pornstars, but not really caring about that group's feelings or need for commitment. The sex movement is not as strong today as it was a few years ago, but it will probably resurface soon. They do not play their own instruments or write their own songs. Despite these setbacks, they are the greatest and most amazing and sexy band ever made.
[edit] Burgers and Tramps
The crew of Blink-182 started up a fast food chain as a result of the Happy Meal Adventure. Don't ask!!! Along with venture capitalist Obi Wan Kenobi, they established chains in many major cities such as New Orleans, Paris and Birdies living room, making them three dollars and a few cents. The Canadian government saw this as an attempt to control the city of Atlantis, and sent each member (including leader Christina Aguilera) to Azkaban, where they would rot for eternity. It has resurfaced.
[edit] Breakup
In 2003, Blink 182 told their lifelong partner Rick Rubin it just wouldn't work out anymore, and they broke up. One possible cause of this was probably Tom's self testical removal, making it impossible for him to truly feel pleasure when he was with Rick. Tom started a new band called Angels in the Outfield, and they recorded an album called No One Wants to Hear Us(at this point he had removed his penis as well to be replaced by nothing) which was recorded in your mom's rectum. Mark has since then started a band with Travis (and two other randoms), called 69. The very popular rap group has produced one song off of their album, When Your Farts Stop Stinking. Since the breakup, there has been a huge void in the music industry, as now there is no group to make album after album of brillian joke songs. Michael Jackson now has nothing to masurbate to. There also exists a certain theory stating that all the band became emo and they decided to part because they couldn't hold how depressed they were. But then, it has no evidence of it happening.
[edit] Reunion
DANGER DANGER, DOGS OF THE WORLD, RETURN TO YOUR HOMES AND DO NOT LEAVE THEM:
Blink182 decided to return to fucking dogs in the ass at the Grammies this summer in 2009. There was a live performance of their "dog fucking" to show that they were back and better than ever, they have new techniques now, including the "69", "missionary" and "the pearl". This is the only good thing that has happened in 2009, besides Jesse Harrison (see Australian) farting, this resulted in him spontaniously combusting. Which is an extremely better sound then any album. Period.
[edit] Vast Uncontrollable Swearing from the Mouth
Also known as the chronic disease of VUSM. This band had it bad, as do many other bands who decide to impress the innocent youth with foul language and implications. Though many people do not know it, all of blink 182's songs are about oral and anal sex except for two which are about suicide (family reunion, adams song) and one is about divorce (Stay Together for the Kids). OMG I have to poop so badly. ( toms most frequently said comment )
[edit] Sheila, how the fuck are ya?!?
Sheila is a ball of yarn that Tom found while on one of his nature hikes in the Northwestern part of the state of Nebraska. He picked the ball up, and said "Sheila, how the fuck are ya?!?" and brought her home with him. They currently have 3 children, which are all little hats that Tom knitted himself in the comfort of his home in Southern Chile. Nowadays, Tom grows a boner when he gets scared.
[edit] Members
- Tom De'loner - Drums, Stripper, chief credit taker, Lead Banjo, Reason for Breakup, Is very good at doing the worm (in fact he is so good at it that on sevral occasions he has summoned God from heaven to watch him do the worm, but Travis always comes out of the dark room and Roundhouse kicks his ass back to heaven.)
- Mark Harpis - Guitar, Use Me fan, supposed funny guy, rapist, runs over black people after the concerts
- Travis Barker - Vocals, Lead dancer, Not many people know this but Travis is actually the son of a lesbian fire dragon and chuck norris, which explains his mad skills and why he constantly is put into jail for roundhouse kicking the shit out of pedestrians or little kids at their concerts. Also it is reported that he round house kicks small puppies.
- John rapemeister - suopermans long distance partners, ex- gay retarded neice.
- Scott Raynor - Alcoholic drummer, with wooden acting skills
- Mark Tromboner - producer of porn to the band when they're on tour
- Sarah lovesnick - who knows but shes great
- Meagan - morgans boyfriend
- Mr. Invisible - pianist, DJ, bass, vocals, drums, guitar, dancer, keyboard, flute, bongo drums, (too bad no one can see him play so he never gets any credit for his work...)
- The other guy that no one can see - Second guitar on live album that "isn't there"
- Scott Armstrong-everything, he was the only real musician
- ben tallin-band bitch
- Jesse Harrison (see Australian)- flatulence
- Rhys Smith - Mr Invisible's Brother. Unlike his brother, he is credited for assistance on the song 'I Miss You' by making the vocals for wailing and screaming in pain.
- Some hobo they picked up from the street
- Dick Van Dyke - A penis guzzling lesbian
- Ben Dover - A homosexual that Tom met in prison
- José DeLonge (Tom's Wife) - Gongist, and dick squeezer
