Blondes

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Blondes are a specific species of woman. They can be recognized mainly by their hair colour, witch is normally somewhere between a yellowish-white and a dark yellow colour.

How to recognize a blonde[edit]

Blondes wish.gif

Blondes can, like, normally be recognized by their completely unnatural hair colour and, like, their intelligence, you know? Blondes are seen usually in the light of day going to the salon and lightening their colour to, what appears to be off-white, or going to the fake tan parlour to make their pasty skin look like orange tang. By night, they're vampire fangs come out, and they are off to the nearest trashy bar where older drunk men will have one night stands with the easy ones. Some will prefer to hang out elsewhere, as not all blondes are trashy and stupid, dispite what Paris, Britney and Marilyn Monroe act like. There are so many blondes who are normal, who don't care about plastic surgery or getting laid. But, then, what sort of a site would this be if it weren't entertaining?

Crunchies[edit]

Feminine Articles
Cleavage.jpg
Articles About Feminine Issues
Sophia-Loren.jpg

People who act stupid, but don't have the light hair color to match. Or a chocolate bar with a honey-ish centre. You choose.

Why all the blonde jokes?[edit]

see Blonde Jokes

The jokes about blondes have been made by Chuck Norris. This is because he wants to confuse His enemies. The plan is to make people laugh so bad, that they might die from it. So far, the plan has been succesful, as we all can see. People laugh much about it. Let's just face it: the jokes about blond bimbos are funny enough. The blondes have now started to work on their itelligence, like sort of. Their secret headquarters is stationed right under the South Pole. Actually, they had planned to place it on the North Pole, but they did like Columbus, and went the wrong way. The reason why they wanted to go to the North Pole, was because they wanted Intoplarictoriphimucousitis, a rare illness caused by massive losses of brain cells.

Why are blondes so dumb[edit]

It is a proven fact that the peroxide is a known chemical, which is strong. When blonds use peroxide to make their hair lighter, they have bad chemical reactions which cause a brain imbalance. While this is proven, not all blonds use peroxide to make their hair one shade off white. There are some that dont use chemicals at all. They are equally as bimboish. Some believe that it is due to lighter hair reacting with vitamin D from the sun. The sun reaches the hair, and their heads, but their brains get sunstroke, and cease to function normally. This is just a theory.

Common Statistics[edit]

  • 96% of blondes have an IQ of 69, making them obsessed with sex
  • And that's because 70% of middle school male teachers are actually pedophiles who stare at easy blonds.
  • The average price for a blonde prostitute is $90/hr. In comparison, the average price for a brunette prostitute is $5,000000/hr.
  • 92% of blondes in America are made out of plastic
  • 99% of blondes have screwed up on their Sex.Ed tests (Does that mean i can fuck you mr.teacher?)

Positives[edit]

  • Blondes tend to be energetic and adventurous. Always looking for a thrill, whether it be sex or some other form of entertainment.
  • Blondes also make the world brighter and yellower

Famous blondes[edit]