Blood elf

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A typical Blood Elf male. Or female.


Blood Elves (or in their own tongue of Thalassian, "Belfs" or "Belves"), are the direct descendants of the High Elves (Helfs). They live in their kingdom of Quel'Thalass (which is translated into something that is really too rude to be printed here). Though physically perfect in every way, the Blood Elves (Belves) are really very approachable, kind, and generally not arrogant. No, seriously. They have a long history of making enemies due to their arrogant and racist ideals being misunderstood and as such, have very few true allies. They are currently members of the Horde, other outcasts who, like dorky kids on a playground, banded together because they have no friends. They are addicted to mana like a whore is addicted to crack cocaine, and will stop at nothing to fulfill this addiction.

[edit] History

Millenia ago, on the continent of Kalimdor, the Night Elves (Nelves) were split into two social groups, the Highborne (the most perfect of the Nelfs) and the regular joe schmoes Nelfs. Queen Azshara of the Nelves decided to kill the joe schmoes in a mass genocide so that only the perfect Highborne remain... long story short, those asshole Highborne who decided to mass murder their own people in the name of a Utopia were kicked out of Kalimdor for their douchebaggery, and they fled to the Eastern Kingdoms under the leadership of Dath'Remar "Sunkist" Sunstrider. Those mass murdering, bigoted, prejudicial, snobby elves that fled were later known as the Quel'Dorei (Quelfs) and are the direct ancestors of every Belf.

The High Elves (Helves) were living in peace until Arthass and the Scourge pwned them into submission. Arthass then pvped against the Helf King Anassterian "Nasty Ass" Sunstrider, critted for about 12000 with Obliterate, and pwned him. Arthass then pissed in the Sunwell, the Helves' source of power, thus tainting it with darkness and a smell that smelled like salt with a hint of cheddar. Prince Kael'thass "K'thxbai" Sunstrider, the Sun King and leader of the Helfs, declared with rage that the fallen Helfs would be avenged, and named the survivors Belfs (Sin'Dorei, in Thalassian). With a burning desire for retribution and an added +2 in their revenge stat, they set off into Outlands, following Kael'Thass and his promises to find a new source of power to replace the pissed-in Sunwell. Kael'Thass betrayed his people, however, by signing them up to serve the dark lord, Sargerass, and his Burning Legion, a massive force of demons that are weak despite their vast numbers, because they are all level 60-70 anyway, and are really no match for the average WoW player, who is a geared level 80.

So, with the betrayal of their beloved king, the Belves vowed to get revenge on Kael'Thass also, because, well, revenge is kind of their thing. The Belves who broke away from those loyal to Kael'Thass decided to join the Orcish Horde, making them the first (and only) sophisticated race of the Horde.

[edit] Appearance

Almost all Blood Elves (Belves) have long hair, leading many to believe that they are a race made up entirely of women. Their bodies and faces are very "beautiful". They are so effeminate in appearance, that there has been much confusion even among the Belfs as to mating practices, and oftentimes two elves of the same gender mistakenly try to fornicate with one another. This has led to the other races poking fun at the Belfs, leading to many popular Belf gay jokes such as calling Silvermoon City "Silver Poon", or referring to the use of Blood Elf (Belf) Magisters' wands in an inappropiate and lewd manner.

Belves (Blood Elves, if you want to get technical) also have green eyes, due to their corrupt use of fel magic and heavy consumption of absinthe, a popular drink amongst the Belves which is said to "really fuck someone up". They also have pointy ears which led to many rumors spread amongst the races of Azeroth concerning satellite coverage.

Belves also have peachy, peach colored skin, which is very smooth and supple. Kind of like a peach. This is strange because there are no peaches in Quel'Thalass, or even in WoW, for that matter. Peachy peach peach. Peaches(noun, plural).


[edit] Language

Blood Elves speak in their native tongue of Thalassian. Notice that there is a lot of 'ass' in their language. Thalassian was originally derived from Darnassian, the language of the Nelves. The following are translated phrases that are frequently said by the denizens of Quel'Thalass.

Anaria shola.- "I am a man."

Anaria shola. - "I am a woman." (The Thalassian term for 'woman' is the same as 'man', leading to much confusion between genders in Blood Elf culture.)

Ando'meth derador thoribas no'thera fanduh talah shara'dore mandalas'neth dalo shari'dune. - "Hello."

Shindu fallah na! - "Don't touch me there!"

K'Thx. - A phrase from old Thalassian, whose meaning has been somewhat eroded over the millenia, but its meaning more or less comes across as "Your opinion is stupid, I am much better looking and smarter than you, you fail at life, leave my presence you oversized swine", or something along those lines.

Belf. - "Blood Elf."

Sindorei. - "Belf."

Selama ashal'anore. - "Spank me with your salami."

Sunkist - Popular fizzy drink.

Ann'da - Father (or mother).

Furai pan wa doko desu ka? - "Where is the frying pan?"

Shorel'aran! - "Get the hell out of my sight!" (Popular farewell in Quel'thalass")

L'oriel - "You're worth it"


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