Blue Man Group: The Truth

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The Blue Man Group is a trio of mute aliens from Bizarro World who apparently communicate through telepathy. They have some fooled into thinking that they are three performers in blue paint who have a fascination with drums, Polyvinyl Chloride piping, and twinkees. Actually, the fascination with drums, PVCs, and twinkees part is true, but the three performers in blue paint is NOT. There are over sixty Blue Men stationed here on Earth, only appearing in shows three at a time to avoid panic.

Some conspiracy theorists believe that former President George W. Bush may have had connections with the blue men.
It is believed that Mahatma Gandhi was, in fact, a Blue Man.

Their Evil Plot[edit]

The plan of the Blue Men is simple:

Turn everything in the world blue.

Yes, this seems stupid, but in their culture, turning a planet blue means that they have conquered it. Why do you think Neptune is blue? No, it's not because it's a gaseous planet or whatever. That's exactly what the government wants us to think, so there isn't an outbreak of mass panic. And, why is the sky blue? Not because of refracted sunlight. THEY did that! They're lastest project is the ocean. So far, they've only been able to blueinate the Carribean.

What We Can Do[edit]

Basically, when it comes down to the big picture, we can't do shit. However, there are some things that we, as individuals, can do to slow down their progress.

  • Kill old people. Senior citizens are actually Blue Men in disguise.
  • Once per week, smears yourselfs ups with butter and run around the neighborhood wearing nothing but thong and a coconut bra. This will confuse any Blue Men that are watching, and make them wonder if they really want to colonize such a weird planet.
  • Pollute the skies and water, so it will wear off the colour blue:
    • Burn your garbage. Throw what remains in the river.
    • Forget the toilet, crap in the river.
    • When you're in a swimming pool, pee in the water.
    • Rig oiltankers with explosions and cause a "natural disaster."

The wisest thing to do however, is to consult a UFO expert or someone who has had experiences with aliens, such as Eric Cartman (Who was analy probed- twice!), Dib (who's neigbor is an alien), or Homer Simpson (Who has had multiple encounters with aliens, one infact being his boss.). Also, you could try to get in contact with crazy people like Fox Mulder, who believes that pretty much anyone at any time could be an alien. Or do the smart thing and stop the blue men yourself.


The following people/groups may be affiliated with the blue men:

See Also[edit]