Board Theorem

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The Board Theorem is a postulate of political science, which refutes communism, anarchy, and the existence of Ayn Rand.

History of the Board Theorem[edit]

The Board Theorem was first laid down by genius political mind Andrew Black in 2005. Nothing is known of Black other than that he is (as previously mentioned) a genius, a proponent of Pastafarianism, and that he may actually be a brain in a tank. Rumors have circulated, though, that he is actually Satan.

Explanation of the Board Theorem[edit]

The Board Theorem states that political systems without protectionary authority cannot be sustained. Whether dependent on personal property liberty or communal resources, the objects of value will eventually be stolen by men wielding weapons, even ones as primitive as the eponymous boards. The theorem was originally presented as a parable, in which an individual within the hypothetical community realizes: "If I whack that dude with this board hard enough, I can knock him out and take his shit." This is known as the Fundamental Board Principle.

The Fundamental Board Principle is often countered by the assertion that any group of humans can organize to defend themselves against assault by board. However, it is obvious upon consideration that any group of humans which has spent all its time sitting around and being communal and so forth has obviously no need for the research which would lead to discovery of the Fundamental Board Principle. Without understanding the Fundamental Board Principle, there can be no defense against the Board. The use of the Board then concentrates wealth and power in the hands of the Board-wielder, enabling further research and discoveries in Boardfare (such as the brutally effective Nail Corollary).

Ayn Rand[edit]

The Ayn Rand Clause states that Ayn Rand was a nasty hag and is best forgotten, because she was so ugly. Since the rest of the Board Theorem is so compelling, and it is indivisible, the Ayn Rand Clause must also be accepted and therefore her existence is refuted by the Board Theorem.