Facts about Bodø
Bodø is Norways second largest city, right after Tromsø. Ruled and governed by some mentaly disturbed youths at Tverlandet. There are few places to hide when the trubled, young children go hunting.
People in Bodø claim that Bodø is a suburb of Tromsø, 560 km away. People in Tromsø refuse any association with or knowledge of Bodø, they have never heard of the place, and don’t know where it is situated.
Bodø is actually located in a rare everlasting vortex of winds. Because of this, regardless of the way you choose to go (south/north/east/west) you will always be moving through head-on winds!
Read backwards "Bodø" would read "Ødob."
People in Bodø are famous for their lack of humor. Their jokes are either racist jokes about laps, or stupid jokes about the city they admire over all: Tromsø. Confirmed rumours says that the reason for this personality trait is that the average inhabitant has an IQ of 45,7. Their head is so empty that you can look straight through it ear to ear. In the winter time people in Bodø have to wear earmuffs to avoid the cold draught through their head ear to ear. This draught is cold, and creates a whistling sound, which is annoying for the entire neighbourhood.
People in Bodø are very proud of their ear tunnel. To make sure nobody forgets this physical attribute, they have erected a giant monument, called Torghatten.
Genetic researches have documented that the people in Bodø are near relatives to monkeys. This is obvious during the soccer matches, or sucker matches as they are called in Bodø. From some reason the audience are behaving and sounding as apes. According to researches this is caused by the sexual stimulans people in Bodø experience when they are gathered closely at the sucker stadium Assmyra.
People in Bodø have very limited language and vocabulary, mostly pejorative terms about the laps. Very few of them understand people from other places, and they demand that visitors should learn to speak like themselves. Visitors are advised to visit the monkeys in a zoo to get a quick lesson of the language in Bodø.
The infrastructure in Bodø is quite terrible, and it's mandatory to have better driving skills than Martin Schancke when traveling to the city by car. In spite of the fact that the road to and from Bodø has 3 lanes, and the traffic in and out is directed by a incredibly advanced light-control system (The iALC-2000), most of the people living in Bodø crash, comfused and frustrated about the advanced road system , in the great mountainside of Hammran. They then have to walk the rest of way to the city (About 10 miles).
For many years noone have ever understood why this was happening, and just accepted this as a ordinary phenomenon of the daily routines. But a few years ago, the most intelligent scientists of the world gathered in Oddkirka to solve this problem.
The conclusion was quite simple. They found out that the roadworkers in Bodø were too incompetent to understand how to change a lightbulb. As a result of this, the traffic lights and the iALC-2000 stopped working, because noone had a clue how to fix it. Most of the streetlights stopped working, leaving Bodø's mainroads in a pitch black environment.
Unfortunately for the people living in Bodø, when the goverment heard about these stunning news they were a bit thirsty. So they decided to lay new waterpipes parallel to the mainroad, but didn't actually do anything about the poor road conditions. The good thing is that they promised to make a better pavement to walk on when the pipes where finished.
So, in conclusion: If you are thinking about driving to Bodø. Don't.
By now you're probably thinking "Bodø's road condition isn't the best and I usually have to walk when going from A to B. But still, I will surely get some delicious fresh water to drink when I finally get there."
But that's not the fact.
When Bodø decided to to lay the waterpipes, they used the same roadworkers who didn't have the brain capacity to change a mere lightbulb. And they didn't actually know how to dig a hole in the ground with a shovel either.
If you're not as stupid as they are, you would understand that this could'nt be any good at all.
In fact, they've been working on the same distance (a distance that equals about 25 metres) for over three years. They actually get paid for making sandcastles in the mud and playing with their dolls all day
, that's socialism for you.
Sucker team: Bodø/Glimt
Bodø has a football team called Bodø/Glimt, and their stadium is named Assmyra. This stadium is shaped like a huge open ass, and the grass feels like shit. The teams players are the same stupid road workers as mentioned above. They don’t have the brain capacity to change a mere light bulb, and do not understand why there is a ball in the middle of the shitty grass field. Bodø/Glimt has stated that they agree with FIFA-chairman Sepp Bladder, who believes it would be a good idea to replace the leather ball with a ball of granite.
Originally Assmyra was the marketplace for the local male prostitutes. This later developed into the ball game: sucker. In Bodø the general misconception is that soccer is the same as sucker. The fact is that at Assmyra they are not playing soccer, they are playing sucker. This is one of the reasons Bodø/Glimt are doing so poor in the national league. They are playing a totally different game than the soccer teams.
people you should avoid
"glenn" or "fettglenn" he WILL eat you if he's hungry. he also boast about being a uberwannabeenazifromthedepthsofhell, and will make up lies that sounds rather wierd and inhuman.
"bent" it is said that this guy can outmatch chuck norris with a roundhouse kick.
"csh/hansen" he invented the "jaaaa!!! jeg trøtt!" language and has become famous/infamous by all the citizens of bodø.
One of the not-so-well-known alternative environments in Bodø, is in fact one of the most entertaining. This is the so-called "Bråke.LOL" or "Noisy.LOL" culture, which has it's roots in a minor suburb to Bodø, the so-called "Mørkved" (DarkWood) and also the famous location "Nordsia" (The North Side). Some of the most promising performers in the Bråke.LOL genre, is Knut & Kluto, a well known group of individuals, mostly based on the two main members, mikaPELL and Klutic. The promising group is currently apart, but they are working on their first mixtape.
And we must not forget the not-worth-mentioning GPT crew, a bunch of unimployed-lazy-sons-of-male-prostitutes
A very famous thing in Bodø is this so called "glasshuset" or glass-house. It is a not-so-very-big glass structure in the middle of the sentrum, covering some stores. A nice place for people with no homes and juveniles. This is also the place where all the black-metal people is gathering when above ground, usually just to smoke, spit on the floor and scream. The involuntarily founder of Bodø, Dr. Hausmann, Hitler's private physician and part time comedian, originally constructed this greenhouse for growing clone-Hitlers, but as the experiment went out of hand (
try having 500 crazed, leg-humping clones trying to dictate each others in a confined area. Besides; I was just following my orders, you ungrateful, judgmental bastards!)the specimens escaped and founded Bodø in hope of annexing Poland.
Norway has no celebrities what so ever. However, there is a lot, A LOT of minor black gothic rock-groups, that usally plays at a place called Sinus. Sinus however, is controlled by Lucifer, hence all the black music. After midnight, when everbody have gone to bed, its reported that high-pitched screams and deafening roars have been observed around this place. This is a result of the large consentration of Black Metal in the ground under Sinus.
If you are one of those adventure seeking peoples, you can try visiting the not so famous Oddkirka.
On the most famous place, Norsia, there is a huge "kiosk" where they offer you some soda, postal services, gamling oppurtunities, candy, medics AND innsurance! Somehow the best place in Norway to get.. stuff
Also, there is a stupid guy living in Bodø with few or no fiends. Most of the citizens of Bodø just want to throw rocks at him until he bleeds, and then pee on his wounds. This is because he cheated on his girlfriend.
Well, who hasn't!!!! - a stupid guy with no friends
But unfortunally they dont, three easy steps. 1: ask "e du goter?" answer should be "nei, æ e en beinond satanist". 2: look at the color of the leather. It should be black. 3: Glasshusgoters will always smoke wherever it is forbidden.
Bodø has the largest military base in the entire world, including 56km runways, 10 F-15E squadrons, 20 F-16 squadrons, 5 B-2 squadrons, 18 heavy armor panzer batallions, including the famous 1st Snowy Owl Panzer battalion. Don't attack this city I tell you. Crew on military base roughly exceeds 40 000 armed soldiers. [MC Hammer] wrote a song about it.
And this is only Bodø Hovedflystasjon (The Glorious has the NATO record for using the most space doing nothing, and the RHQNN (Royal Holy Commentre of the World) situatet at Reitan. No one knows whats going on there, but once in a fortnight you might see the bus carrying soliders to their workplace. Its been said that the true Area 51 is situated at Reitan, and that Idi Amin uses this place as a summer house, along with Hitler, Michael Jackson and Bob the Builder.
Up in up, Bodø is not a very attractive tourist place, but some stupid Germans still manage to find the way trough Fauske, and all the way to Bodø. How they do this, remains a mystery.
- Dont panic
- Dont come to Bodø
- Remember your gun (so you can join the kids in "løpsmarka")
- Dont bring your umbrella
- Do not try to ligth a "fyrstikk"
- the kids in løpsmarka kills "turister"
- Do not try to wear pink in the glass house. maybe the the black people wants to dance balet with you