Boolean Logic

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Boolean Logic.

Boolean Logic is a way of proving things are true, especially when they shouldn't be. Absolutely anything that can be expressed with boolean logic is true. For example, this article, written by random people on the internet, can be proven by boolean logic:

Everyone can edit this article, including you.
You would never lie.
Therefore, this article is true!
However, this statement is false.


The word 'boolean' comes from the German word 'boolean', meaning "slipping on a pizza". For many years, it was used only to insult servants. It was not until the end of the Cold War that anyone realized that it was an incredible substitute for Actual Factual Logic.

Boolean Logic is the latest and greatest attempt at using maths and hard words to understand and decipher potentially complex chains of political and socio-economic events, but is also effective at splitting the bill and selecting ice cream topping flavors. Today it is used mainly to start more wars, as can be seen later in this article.


There are 80 functions that a can be applied to a statement. They are not as useful as they were during the Cold War but still serve a lesser purpose in Yo' Mama Jokes:

  • True
  • False
  • Correct
  • Incorrect
  • Right
  • Wrong
  • Left
  • Banana Phone

Further Examples[edit]

Boolean Logic determines that:

if A is B
and A is D

therefore C is Q

For example:

Nazis are Evil.
Nazis eat Cheese.

Therefore Cheese is Evil. 
But I like cheese (especially stilton!)
Therefore I am evil

Another example:

I like porn.
I use the internet.

Therefore the internet is for porn.

Another example:

this is an example.
there is an example of everything somewhere.
therefore I am a Mudkip.

More complex examples of boolean logic:[edit]

Fred owes Grace $200.
Fred pays back money to Grace on time.
Fred is not a Cat.

Therefore cats are NEVER to be trusted with short-term loans.
Bread is good for you
'Man cannot live on bread alone.'

Therefore, man needs junk food or he will die.
And, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Therefore, junk food is an effective replacement for exercise.
Ray Charles is blind.
Love is blind.
God is love.
Therefore, Ray Charles is God.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is made of spaghetti and meatballs.
Spaghetti and meatballs are Italian food.
Italian food is from Italy.
Italy exists.

Therefore The Flying Spaghetti Monster exists.
Girls need time and money
so girls= time*money
time is money
so girls= money*money,which is money squared
money is the root of all evil
money squared is the route of evil squared
the root of evil squared is evil
so girls are evil.

and girls have cooties

In Politics[edit]

Until the invention of Boolean Logic, War was far more dangerous because there was no way to avoid blame. But now, blame can be eradicated in just a few seconds. For instance, War in Iraq can be explained quite simply:

Al Qaeda attacks USA.
Al Qaeda does not have Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Iraq does not have Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Therefore USA attacks Iraq.
Other interesting examples are:
Al Gore is not very smart.
Al Gore is not a republican.
Therefore republicans are very smart.
Dick Cheney cannot handle firearms.
Dick Cheney is a politician.
Therefore, politicians should not handle firearms.