Boson

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Boson.

A boson is a type of elementary particle, and of particular interest to scientists. Almost all matter is in the form of bosons, usually mixed with a little superglue (called gluons) to keep it together. Under String Theory, Bosons are believed to be contructed from Brie, one of the 12 Fundamental Cheeses. Bosons were discovered by whelks. Though proven to be made out of Brie, Bosons are all shaped like short drunken seamen. When observed in their native habitat, they can be seen to guzzle down endless amounts of liquid fermented superglue.

At one time bosons roamed free across the plains of North America, until hunted to near extinction. They were a source of food for tribes of Native Americans including the Injun Tribe, Apache Software Nation, Mongol Empire and other native tribes. In recent years several native tribes have successfully won lawsuits against the United States granting them land, casinos, thermonuclear devices, and bosons as reparations for decimating their populations. Bosons make up almost all known matter in the universe (the good stuff, anyway), therefore the native tribes own the universe. So go buy some cigarettes before they get angry, whiteman.

In response, the George Lucas has sued for ownership of "dark" matter.

For convenience, all bosons are named Higgs (short for Higgins, the butler on "Magnum, P.I"). Since they all have the same name, you don't have to ask a boson its name before referring to it.