Bowling a Chinaman

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Bowling a Chinaman is a phrase often used in cricketing circles and is particularly popular in the Far East, amongst the slant-eyed Chinks. The Chinaman is one of the most

A scene from the classic film, "Happy Chinaman"

common events, making up approximately one sixth of the entire world bowling population. It has proved itself useful against anyone below four feet tall, especially if you have dropped biological weapons on them. The main reason that it was slow to catch on in the Western world is because we are not malnourished, dwarfish cretins. However its popularity picked up considerably in European cricket due to the popularity of the film “Happy Chinaman”, starring Adam Sandler.

How to bowl an effective Chinaman:[edit]

Before you collect your cockle-pickers from the beach, it is important to go through careful preparation. First, and most importantly, you must select a suitable Chinaman. This is more difficult than it sounds as you have to avoid the majority of the runty race, instead favouring one with large ears and a healthy yellow veneer. It is essential that you do not fall into the pitfall that caught out so many talented youngsters; you must not mistakenly choose a slitty-eyed Jap.The Japs, while an admirable race in their way, are useless on the cricket pitch due to the effects of radiation.

The exhilaration of finding the perfect Chinaman is a feeling unparalleled

Next, you must make sure that the curvature of your pitch is correct – get it wrong, and you could see your Chinaman being hit for six or, even worse, living in your country. Finally, it is useful to be aware that a canny opponent (such as a Jew) may try to distract your Chinaman with a bowl of rice. The bowl of rice is the most common counter for a Chinaman, as most of them are poor beggers who’d happily stop in mid-air at the prospect of some rice. To counter this, you may wish to feed your Chinaman that other staple of Chinese culinary delights, the dog.