Braai

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Pronounced to rhyme with "why?" but not with "bra", the braai is a social ritual common among the tribes of South Africa, from Johannesburg to Cape Town. It is similar to the Barbeque practiced among the North American Quijibo tribe. It is performed outside around a fire. This barbaric act causes many to feel alive and act in certain ways that contradictory to character

It proceeds in these phases:

• Hunting and Gathering: Animal flesh and alcohol are procured beforehand. Everyone gets extra beer, and nobody gets enough dips.
• The Reunion of the Tribe: The group assembles, the women criticize each other's dress to their men, who brag to each other about recent exploits. Alcohol is consumed.
• Ugg make Fire!: The men make fire with the aid of flammable liquids such as gasoline and vodka or brannas (SA favorite - Brandy and Coke), and criticize each other's performance of this task. More alcohol is consumed.
• The Burning of the Offerings: The animal flesh is placed on the fire and burned to hard, inedible lumps. Here jokes are made about the "boerewors" or farmer's sausage.
  Only men may take part in this activity, women are relegated to preparing edible food. They pass the time by criticizing the men, particularly by making jokes about the sizes of the sausages. Even more alcohol is consumed by both groups.
• The Lamentation of the Womenfolk: The genders are reunited. The men's performance in rendering the animal flesh inedible is criticized severely by the women. The rest of the alcohol is consumed, night falls and fights break out.
• The Scattering: Alcohol poisoning, drunk driving, and visits to/from the police and medical emergency services happen in this phase.

The next day, the hung-over participants go back to their everyday lives, thanking themselves for modern civilisation, which means that they do not have to live outdoors, cook over a fire and get into fights every day.

Then they remember that they live in South Africa, and the electricity is off again and therefore so is the burglar alarm. Shit.