Brad Pitt

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The Brad Pitts (commonly known as Bird Shits) are a series of gorges located in the Mojave Desert in Hollywood, California. The pits are dry, shallow and boring year round and are renowned for their arid weather and extreme conditions. The highest point in the Brad Pitts -- Jolie's peaks -- is, ironically enough, geologically the lowest point in the Western Hemisphere, at 302 feet below sea level. Because of this distinction, Jolie's peaks is known as a tourist spot and is, as they say, quite well traveled by men and women alike. The Brad Pitts are an excellent place to enjoy corn puppies year round.


Contents

[edit] Brad Pitt is hotter than he is intelligent...or at least his girlfriend is!! NEW SCOOP:

This is a factual story (not a joke) Brad Pitt has been seen accidentally walking into the toilets of a gay bar - he didn't leave the toilets until an hour and a half later... A man in the toilets claimed he saw a guy grasping Brad's crotch. Brad was "defenseless" and "begged for mercy". He did as the man assaulting him told - he pashed him. The wanted man squeezed Brad's bulge saying "I've wanted to know what that feels like for a long time" and he dragged Brad by the balls into a cubicle. Poor Brad. Yeah.....

[edit] What would he look sexy wearing or doing?

  • Breathing
  • Wearing ties.
  • Tight jeep.
  • Talking on his phone in taut jeers.
  • Fistfighting with Ed Norton.
  • Fisting Ed Norton.
  • Wresting himself away from a thing.
  • Swarming
  • In, under, above and below a thing.
  • Brandishing a fire-alarm.
  • Eating chocolate covered pretzels.
  • Thrustin'!
  • Eating a Hot dog.
  • Wearing a coconut bar and grass skirt and doing a hula.
  • Watching daytime television.
  • Playing paper, scissors, rock, with Lindsay I-Don't-Eat Lohan.
  • Just chillaxing.
  • Dying
  • On fire
  • Being reborn, and then dying again

[edit] Brad Pitt's Desires

  • To have his penis squeezed by another man.
  • To squeeze others men's penises.
  • To have his own personal GYM where he can work on his sexy body and wear some tight gym shorts.
  • To go to the local GYM and perve on guys crocheting while they are working out a tricky knot.
  • To drive a Chodemobile
  • To go on YOUTUBE and view guy's (wrestlers, preferrably) getting grabbed by the bulls
  • To wear tight jeans and sit on the couch with his legs apart watching "guy port".
  • To be in a bathroom alone with Orlando Bloom, sweaty after doing some acting on the set of Troy and grab Orlando's crutch.
  • For Angelina Jolie to come home one day, after a sex-change operation, and join him on his couch, in tight pants, grab his bologna, and watch "guy port" with him.
  • To eat so many submarine sandwiches that his pants burst open, revealing his crotch.
  • For other men to eat so many submarine sandwhiches that his pants burst open, revealing their crotches so Brad can see them.
  • Knitting, while watching Coronation St with his Mum.
  • Watching coronation street wile smearing rhubarb jam on his mothers's tits and fucking her stupid face saying "HERES YOR FUCKIN JAM *

[edit] The desires of all women and most men (including myself)

  • To squeeze his bulge.
  • To watch him working out in his own personal GYM in some tight gym shorts.
  • To go to the GYM and grab his crotch while he's working out.
  • To go on YOUTUBE and watch him get grabbed by the balls (or watch Leonardo DiCaprio get grabbed by the balls).
  • To have an invisibilty cloak so I can sit with my face a few inches from Brad's crotch while he has his legs apart and is wearing really tight jeans (so i can perve on his bulge without him noticing).
  • To pretend to be Orlando Bloom after acting on the set of Troy and be alone with Brad Pitt, and he grabs my crotch so i knee him in the balls and then handcuff him to pole and start feeling his groin.
  • To lick his huge candy. Yeahhhh!
  • To watch him in an XXX vid.

[edit] Trivia

  • Continues to "work" as he knows he'll have to support all those little bastards after the Jolie bitch dumps his ass for her next co-star.
  • He is currently trying to convince himself that he's not pussy whipped.
  • He is a famous example of a metrosexual.
  • Often confused with Brad Pitt, Provost and King of the Tinkers at Trinity College and Best Supporting actor in the hit blockbuster Christina's House alongside with the late leader and founder of the Knights of Ni David Duchovny!!!!
  • After lots of media trouble, the Bollywood Brad Pitt finally got out of the closet to say he didn't actually like Angelina Jolie, and he loved men and men fucked him. But that was all just before discovering Jolie... is a man.
  • Originally divorced Jennifer Aniston in the hopes he could lure current girlfriend Angelina Jolie into a cat-fight in the hopes of capturing it on film in a desperate attempt to save his declining acting career.
  • He has signed to star in the rumoured cricket film The Ashes due to be released in 2010.
  • Has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize every year between 1991- 1995.
  • With his common-law-wife Lara Croft, sealed off the entire country of Cambodia for the birth of their first child, Jak Daxter Duke Nuke-'em Croft-Pitt.
  • Ranked #15 on Jacques Chirac's list of enemies.
  • Played the stunt double of Coldplay's Chris Martin in the film Fight Club.
  • The failure of men resembling Brad Pitt is one of the long list of complating of Women's Sufferage.
  • Had a near death experience in a meese-processing accident, nearly drowning in a vat of carrot juice.
  • During the 1991 Olympics, Pitt was attacked by a near delirious Angelina Jolie who had suffered from a shark attack during the jumping the shark event.
  • One the the few men even to survive an attempt on his life by ninja assassin Rurouni Kenshin.
  • My mom slept with Brad Pitt (He pays well)
  • Was co-founding member, with Jenna Jameson, of the Plasketmaul exhibition Celebrity Guest Team.
  • Is the head of Trinity College who, after the death of its Dean Moses in 1972, assumed the joint positions of Provost and King of the Tinkers.
  • Was the subject of Herodotus's The Life of Brad Pitt, which would later be made into the film Troy.
  • Rumored to be the son of Vincent Price and Carmen Electra.
  • In 2002, denied to be a member of the BAAA.
  • Has been courted by Lo Pan to join the Scientology movement.
  • A former member of Abba.
  • Served under King Agamemnon of Spain, and was threatened to be used as a weapon during the Cuban Missile Crisis.
  • He was the man behind the grassy knoll.
  • Defeated Hulk Hogan for the WWF World Heavyweight Championship on two separate occasions in 1987.
  • Has an Israeli cousin, Moshe Pitt.
  • His surname means penis in Swedish. This finally proves the point that Brad Pitt is a dick.
  • He gets wet dreams thinking about balls.
  • Ate all of his adopted children because he had a dream they would steal his manhood.

[edit] Filmography

  • The Curious Case of Brad Pitt's Sexuality
  • Cool World
  • Chess Club
  • Done in Sixty Seconds (2000) .... himself (uncredited)
  • Brad Pitt rides Andrew Shreeves all night long ... (2007) .... himself
  • Ocean's Everyone
  • Mr. and Mrs. Smurf
  • The Perpetration of the Overly Long Movie Title by None Other Then The Dickhead Brad Pitt
  • Asshole Pirates
  • "Sixty Cents" (50cents biography).
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