Bratislava

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Bratislava is a 6-meter deep hole in the ground located in Vienna, Austria. The hole is best known for the Vienna School of Fine Parts, as well as the fact that the hole is home to 6 000 of Vienna's poorest residents, most of them cowboys. The hole was founded in 1999 by a group of range-wary cowpokes who were tired of raunchy homosexual evenings under the stars. The cowpokes had to demolish a glacier which sat on the planned site using hundreds of nuclear weapons bought from the Soviets. Of course, being of Soviet design, they did not work, and the glacier had to be chiseled away by hand. After all this hard work, the cowpokes quickly resorted to hiring out male prostitutes, and soon had lost all their money to greedy street workers, and were forced to live in the 6-meter deep hole they had dug. However, over the next few years, Bratislava quickly became a major cowboy and S&M cultural center, with over 200 gay bars per square meter. In World War III, the hole was almost completely filled in by the advancing Red Army, and eventually was caught in a time warp, and the entire hole was sent back to the year 1900.


1900's Bratislava[edit]

After being sent through the time warp, Bratislava began to expand to epic proportions. The city was no longer just a hole, and constituted almost half of Vienna's land area, as well as the entire population. In 1902, the Vienna School of Fine Parts was constructed, and quickly became a destination for many young bits and pieces of things. The giant statue of a cowboy sucking a giant penis was constructed in 1907, although by then the city was much more diverse than just a few cowboys, including several horses owned by the cowboys, and a female prostitute who soon left because everyone in the city was either homosexual or a priest. During this time, several of the town's most famous residents moved in, including Rob Halford, the guys from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Oscar Wilde, and Bill Clinton (née Clitoris.


World War II[edit]

During World War II, the city changed hands many times, as it was involved in a large game of Hot Potato. Finally, in December 1944, the city came under American control. The Americans had dropped the hot potato, and were forced to help rebuild the city after it had had the shit bombed out of it and had the entire gay population eradicated by the Jewzies. This left two priests and a flying genie to run the entire city, as they were the only straight ones there. However, the two priests were soon discovered in a broom closet in the sixty-nine position, and were promptly not-asked-and-did-not-tell by the American army, but General Eisenhower took them away as his "personal attendants". The flying genie was then appointed mayor, and he quickly created an influx of Arab, or, as they were called at the time, Slovakian, immigrants.


Atom Bomb Tests[edit]

This Arab immigration wave angered Eisenhower, who had, by then, been appointed Grand Führer Of The World, and did not like anyone who was not bald. Due to the Arab's natural hairiness, Bratislava's fate was inevitable. Eisenhower ordered hundreds of atom bomb tests to be performed on Bratislava throughout the 1950's and 60's, and did not stop until all the Arabs were dead or bald from radiation sickness. The American government covered the entire proceedings up by stating that the tests had taken place on uninhabited islands in the Pacific, such as Bikini Atoll or Japan. However, if one looks closely at test footage taken from the abandoned island of Hawaii, one can clearly see the outline of a penis and cowboy under the mushroom cloud, as well as hundreds of screaming Arabs.


Tourist Attractions[edit]

The giant Cowboy-and-Penis statue managed to survive the atom bomb tests, and is a popular tourist destination today. Tourists often get pictures of themselves rubbing up against or masturbating with the giant penis, or occasionally with the town's residents. The Vienna School of Fine Parts, however, was knocked down by a jet of semen in 1982.


See Also[edit]