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Brawndo (the Thirst Mutilator) is a sports drink created in 2112 to give athletes the refreshment they crave. It currently has replaced water in nearly all hydration applications. Brawndo has electrolytes.

Brawndo logo: 2468-present



In the early 22nd Century, scientists worked furiously to produce a sports drink that would not only out-sell its competitors, but also solve mankind's greatest problem: how to get a bigger boner. While they failed on the boner front, they succeeded in marketing, and Brawndo quickly became Enron's top-selling product. In 2239 Enron officially changed its name to "The Brawndo Corporation."

FDA/FCC takeover[edit]

The budget crisis of 2313 left the federal government strapped for cash. The Brawndo Corporation valiantly stepped in and purchased the FDA and the FCC. This made the Thirst Mutilator even more better.

Brawndo today[edit]

Today 61% of the global population works for Brawndo. Brawndo has what men, women, babies, pets, livestock, goldfish, and plants crave. It is theorized by ecomonists that if people stopped buying Brawndo, the ecomony would collapse, triggering an auto-layoff of massive proportions, resulting in the utter destruction of civilization.