“An astrologer told me I have Bread Rising”
Bread Rising is a graphic video game that takes place in a largely populated mall in Western China. It has been rated M for its extreme violent tendencies. They have said that this violence has even surpassed that of "Ultra MuthaF**in' Major Super Awsome Gore Fest 2005" (rated T) and "Ducky Smash Bros 16". It was released to the general public 2 months ago, getting raved by all fans of the games stated above. It's massive popularity has caused video game stores across the globe to have extra coffee breaks, and bring scones in on a regular basis. The popularity also drove Capcom to make a prequel, titled Bread Rising -1.
Ever since Frank West Covered the Zombie outbreak in Willamette, Colorado, Frank's Life took a turn for the better. His Coverage of the zombie outbreak was sold to Capcom, and he soon became a multi-billionaire in the process. Unfortunately, His wealth didn’t last. He received a bill from the town of Willamette with all the crap he stole, broke, and ate, and his money rapidly depleted. On top of that, Frank had to bribe officials for the twelve or so people he murdered during the outbreak. So now, Frank lives in a tiny hovel, with just enough food to make him through the week. One day, he was hungry and had some money saved up, so he decided to make delicious fresh bread for himself, but to his dismay, the bread wouldn’t rise. He had forgotten to add yeast! So, enthusiastically, Frank, completely forgetting where the nearest grocery store is, took his red bicycle back to the Willamette mall to go to the grocery store in the back of the mall, but not to vandalize the store, (because he remembered the guy who ran the store didn’t allow vandalism in his store,) but for the yeast he needed to make his bread rise. Following the depression after his loss of money, Frank had turned to Alchohol, PCP, and kitten huffing. So, Instead of seeing normal people, Frank Saw giant pieces of bread, due to him forgetting to eat on his bike ride to the mall because he was really, really, high. So, Frank journalistic sense® sets in, and he tries to cover what he called “The Willamette Bread Outbreak” and what the authorities would soon call “delusional man assaults mall goers with improvised weapons.” This severely pissed Frank off.He then vanished without a trace. No one really knows where he went to or what he is doing, but one thing is for sure, it just can't be good. Many suggestions include things like inventing useless gadgets like the "Splash Screen" for the "Crotch Cam", writing rude songs, working as a bathroom cleaner on the motorway services, or he died trying to fix his alarm clock. Who knows???
Weapons you can use
Frank's first escapade to the williamette mall included using everything not nailed to the ground, The williamette mall security has now begun emergency precautions, which includes nailing everything to the ground. Although this certainly hinders frank, this does not stop him. You now must wait 30 seconds as frank comically tries to rip out his selected weapon. These weapons include Orange juice (with a nail in the side), childrens toys (and in assosciation sex toys, as anything, if you try hard enough, is a sex toy), 5x4's (cause frank is way too cool((and high)) to use plain old 2x4's) PS3's (found in doorways as a doorstopper,) oscar wilde, The punch-yourself-in-the-crotch-am-a-jig,(which ironically doesnt punch you in the crotch, but rather shoots you in the kneecap,) Cricket paddles, and Extreme Sarcasm.
PS3 users were extremely angered by the fact that you could throw the PS3s, but then the makers of the game said "A $499,999,999.99 console that doubles as a lean, mean, fat reducing machine?, why NOT make fun of it?" Thousands are still revolting, some people even resorting to suicide. From across seas in America there have been many extreme occurrences happening because of this game. One young child actually bought the game. His parents became extremely angered by this, almost resorting child abuse. The child escaped to his room and locked himself in. Later while interviewing a neighbor we received this important quote. "Well, the kid ran up screaming to his room, we heard that much. We really thought his goose was cooked, but just then, we heard our toast pop up and sprang into action! That toast was a worthy opponent, but we defeated him, no matter what the cost, we smacked him with a "The Complete Retards Guide to how to Use Your Underpants as a Deadly Weapon" That little toast went wimpering to his momma as we gave each other butt wipes." We later retrieved the child and took him to social services, also having daily scones.
Because of the fact the game was ended up only released for the Gamecube, right before the Wii came out, the creators have stated that they will release a PS3 version, where crappy PS2s and PS1s can be thrown, while many fans of the oringinal version of Bread Rising, a very bad magazine nobody cares about reported ,"What next? You guys made such original games with the ability to not care what anybody thought, even the government, and that guy named George W. Bush." The Xbox 360 version was only sold with 10 copies, they rarely go on eBay for about $10,000.01 without a penny, the version for the Xbox 360's case can be seen up above. Though they might go into print in 13 days, only Weird Al knows of that. So can everybody ask him?