Breakfast

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The breakfast of champions! (serves one)

“Waitress, I'd like my breakfast served in bottles, please!”

~ Oscar Wilde on HowTo eat breakfast

“It's like DINNER in the morning!”

~ The King on breakfast

Breakfast, or as the French would say, Le Reacquisition, is a meal containing one or all of the following: vodka, gin, tequila, rum, beer, or Scotch. A popular variation mixes equal parts vodka, gin, rum, tequila, and triple sec with 1 1/2 parts sour mix with a splash of orange juice.

The History of Breakis Fuast[edit]

Some claim that breakfast was invented during the Prohibition era of the Depression 1930s, as a way of simulataneously violating the law and taking in nutrients that were unavailable due to food shortages. A lemon slice was often added to breakfast glasses at this time in a pathetic attempt to fool the authorities.

However, evidence suggests that breakfast was in fact invented in the early part of the first century A.D. by Jesus Christ, who turned water into breakfast (and then into water again, due to being a waster and having little else to do). Others claim that breakfast was invented by a bartender at the Oak Beach Inn waterfront nightclub in Babylon on Long Island, New York.

Alcohol Content[edit]

Breakfast has a much higher alcohol concentration (~98%) than other meals because of the proportionally small amount of food. Because of strict alcohol laws in Utah, breakfast must be served by a pink Gorilla wearing a dress, this is so customers get the right sensation out of eating breakfast. Tonic water may be added, or in a separate glass, or a single glass with a single shot of breakfast.

Breakfast: It's Not Just for Breakfast Anymore[edit]

pills berry toaster strudel

Breakfast is often consumed 24-hours a day in the United States. This American breakfast is often altered in other countries, due to the presence of locally grown grains for breakfast distillation.

A monkey enjoying his lovely breakfast

Variations[edit]

  • Alaskan Stumbling Bear Breakfast
  • Baltimore Zoo Breakfast - made with a shot of beer and cranberry juice instead of ham and eggs
  • Southern Baptist Redemption - Breakfast without any Coca-Cola.
  • French Breakfast - made with Champagne instead of orange juice.
  • Grateful Dead Breakfast - Breakfast taken with a jigger of LSD
  • California Freeway Breakfast - made with lemonade and gasoline.
  • Not to be confused with the Breakfast Club, a movie about five blatant homosexuals. I mean really, who comes to school for detention on purpose. Stupid goth chick. I will kidnap Molly Ringwald and bring her to Gary Gygax and get 3 charisma points.