Brennan's Universal Theory of Theoretical Theorism
== The Theory: A Brief History ==
Legend has it that the first use of Brennan's Universal Theory of Theoretical Theorism can be attributed to an Irish Secondary School (High School) student at an unknown date some time between 2001 and 2003 during a study period. Others say that this theory is an absolute fallacy planted in the run up to the U.S. Presidential Election 2004 campaign by dedicated communist John Kerry who in coalition with a red think tank decided that the world needed to be anesthetised into believing that there was a simple everyday solution to all of life's most difficult problems.
When questioned on the matter he became defensive shouting:
"Well how the hell do YOU know that cancer can't be cured by carrying the two?? Go on ask those eggheads if they've tried. Have they? No. I Didn't think so!"
Following this outburst the evil communists planted the story that this theory had actually been created by the aforementioned student creating a history which suggested that when asked for help on a particularly difficult higher level maths question, said student simply replied:
"Carry the two"
and a scientific revolution began.
They had previously considered attributing the discovery of this theory to Mr. T as "nobody except a damn fool disagrees with Mr T" but later relented admitting that he was just too high profile a celebrity to pull it off.
This simple formula soon caught on as more and more people realised that so many of their day to day problems could be solved by applying the Universal Theory. (Although many maintain to this day that there is no possible way that carrying the two could solve the variety of problems which it is claimed to rectify)
- Toast burned? Did you remember to carry the two?
- German essay too short? You obviously didn't carry the two.
- Can't find those car keys? Carry the two damnit!
And so one fateful burst of inspiration proceeded and proceeds today to make the whole world a better place.Just remember at any time when things just don't seem to be going right:
carry the two
What the Celebrities had to say:
"Magic" Rolf Harris
"I can't believe it's not butter" - Britney Spears
"Kill the Infidel" - Osama Bin Laden
"What do you mean I can't supersize that?" - Michael Moore
""Being the President, I sometimes have to take unpopular decisions. I know that I will not be liked because of that. But my objective is to urge everybody to love the country where we live and... What? Theory? yes I wholeheartedly endorse it as a product of our western comrades"
- Alexander Lukashenko: Democratically Elected President of the Republic of Belarus ®
Following on from its debut the theory spread around the world, most recently helping President Lukashenko (quoted above) to his third term in office. Rumour has it that current U.S. Grand Circus Master and 9th dan belt in Krav Maga George W. Bush is considering applying this most powerful of theories in his attempt to get elected for a historic third time in 2008.