Poison

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For roses with thorns, see Poison (band).
Maybe you were looking for Poison Ivy.

KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN.


“I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison!!!”

~ Alice Cooper on Poison

“Ages 5-”

~ China on Poison

“ Cyanide is completely safe (not poison)”

~ Oscar Wilde


File:Skull crossbones .gif
Skull and crossbones: POISON!!!!!!
A cool, refreshing soda. The most obvious way to poison yourself.
Bread: A hidden source of poison.

Poison is a name given to substances in order to protect its makers from liability. The substances may or may not be truly dangerous. But if the makers do not call it poison, they can get sued, and they would lose an awful lot of money. So by calling something poison, they are saving their souls. Fortunately, our nanny society labels everything as poison - keep your kids in doors!

Things we call poison[edit]

There are many thing we call poison. These include:

Poison in food[edit]

Poison is found in all our food. Everything we eat contains poison. Yes. When you eat, you are poisoning yourself.

Here are some of the poisons you find in your food:

  • Insecticide: From the moment those crops grow, a crop duster is lurking above and poison is in business.
  • Beef: You never know what goes into that meat if you don't process it yourself. Being a vegetarian is not much safer either.
  • Cucumbers: Don't go near them. They are waxed!!!!!!
  • Lemons: They are not really yellow. They are GREEN on the tree. They are artificially colored!!!!!
  • Dried fruits: What are they preserved with? SULFUR DIOXIDE!!!!!!!!!
  • Chocolate: Poisonous to most pets, especially cats and dogs. Why should humans be any different?
  • Potato chips: Deep fried. Soaked in salt. What's next.
  • Big waist: Forget about that Big Gulp from 7-11. Found in your cereal, your bread, your jam. And don't you dare go near that ice cream. Also found in ketchup, but if you are having those french fries or that burger it comes with, the damage should have been done a long time ago.
  • Margarine: Is it really better than butter?
  • Soup: Do you really like that Campbell's? Is soup really good food?
  • Garlic: The smell is poisonous to vampires, and people with noses.
  • Milk: Milk comes from cows!!! Do you KNOW what cows eat?!?!?! They eat their own poop! Which is also why chocolate milk is brown....
  • Water: 99% of all people who died of cancer in 1997 drank water on a regular basis.

What you should do with it[edit]

The most obvious thing to do with poison is to eat, inhale, or drink it. You should also feed poison to someone you hate or even your pet. Pets like poison and will eat it then fall on the floor. Don't worry, they are either dead or sleeping (But are most likely dead). Childern also enjoy poison in their food. It makes them throw up which they love to do.


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