Brian Eno

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Publicity photo, circa 1977
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Emo?

Raisin Bran Eno (born Brian Peter Paul Philip Pugh Pugh John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt Barney Fido McFoy McGrugh McFisty Cuffs Cuthbert Dibble Grubb Minor Tom Robert Richard Dick Harry Christopher David St. Jean le Baptiste Shatner Layborteaux de la Salle Ratzinger Runx Neo One Bran Flakes "Patches" Eno) is an electronica / Punk musician from the early 1640s who made major innovations to classical music during his lifetime. He is probably best remembered for his 1653 masterpiece "The Startup Music for Microsoft Windows", which he wrote in collaboration with the baroque period's most under-rated artist: William Henry Gates III.

Brian Jesus Eno was born in Humptown, Mesopotamia, at the age of two. By the age of nine, he had taken up the saxophone (calling it his "sexophone" whilst in puberty). And by fourteen, he had given up on trying to make sounds from his penis (See Also: skin-flute) and began learning the Spracken-zooken-spiel, a Swedish instrument, made of electronics.

In 1645 his family moved from Humptown, Mesopotamia, to Plateaux Of Mirror, Patagonia, USA.

In 1650, Eno wrote his first Top 20 Boardway Hit, "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin, based off of the monument located in Daytona Beach not far from his hometown. Its minimalist use of sound was a launching point for Eno in terms of composition. When his ideas later matured in the '80s, he called his new ideas "Elevator Music" after his collaborators, the brutal metal group, The Talking Elevators.

Besides completing "The Startup Music for Microsoft Windows" 1653 was also an important year for Eno in terms of his personal career. It was the year he had his first lesbian experience with Olivia 'Newton' John, the alt-rocker who wrote the angsty "Newton's First Law".

Brian Eno was presumed dead in 1660 as a result of prison sodomy (See Michael Jackson). This account, however, is contradicted by reports he was seeing a psychatrist for Obsessive-Compulsive disorder (see below).


Eno(if still alive) resides in Oxford with his second wife and two daugthers. His daughter Irial Eno is one of Emma Watson's best friends.

Album Discography[edit]

  • No Pussyfisting (with Robert Frippuccino, 1549)
  • Here Comes The Crashing Jet (1645)
  • Taking Tora Bora (By Stupidity) (w Alex Jones, 1782)
  • Another Bizzarely Colored Loaf Of Bread. I Should Consider Shopping Somewhere Else. (1816)
  • Discreetly Reichian (1974)
  • Metal Machine Music (1975)
  • Not Another Green World (1975)
  • High (w David Cameron , 1977)
  • Cluster Bombing Eno (w Donald Rumsfeld, 1977)
  • Before And After Rogaine! (1978)
  • Music For Interrogation Rooms (1978)
  • After The Cyrogenic Freezing (1978)
  • Ambient 1 / Music For Doing Laundry (1978)
  • Ambient 2 / Music For Playing Over Backstreet Boys (1980)
  • Ambient 3 / Music For Cooking Humans (1980)
  • Ambient Pi / Music that will give a brain tumor (1980 part II)
  • My Wife Had An Affair With Prescott Bush's Ghost! (w David Byrne, 1981)
  • Ambient 4 / Music For Banging Your Head Into A Wall (1982)
  • More Gossip About David and Tina (1982 with John Cale UNRELEASED)
  • More Music For Interogation Rooms: The Abu Ghraib Mix (1983)
  • Something for that Crazy David Lynch Movie, the One With Toto.
  • Ode to The Applie (1984)
  • Saturday Night Fever (1985)
  • I Need to Put Out Three Albums Per Year Volume 1 (1985)
  • I Need to Put Out Three Albums Per Year Volume 2 (1985)
  • Tuesday Morning Malaria (1986)
  • Artsy Droning Bullshit (1986)
  • Three Albums, Remember? (1986)
  • More Crack than Stank/Desert Island Ejaculation (∞)
  • Best of Elevator Music, Part 1 (1987)
  • Best of Elevator Music, Part 2 (1987)
  • The Rest of the Elevator Music, Part 3 (1987)
  • Neural Fret (1992)
  • My Belchy Wife (1993 UNRELEASED)
  • Ha Ha! Now You Don't Know How To Open The Album Case! My Clever Artwork Has Left You Confused On What Side Is The Front! (w John Cale, 1990)
  • Another Day On Jupiter (1994)
  • We Are The Tired (1994 with Luciano Pavarotti, Bono, David Hasselhoff and the WAR CHILD™ Sarajevo Boys' Choir)
  • The Shitty Assembly (1996)
  • Music To Mogue By (1997)
  • Music To Triton By (1999)
  • Compact Refuse Disposal (2001)
  • Coca-coli, Thinking Music Pt. 666 (2003)
  • I'm pretty Prolific Huh? Lawl. (2003.5)
  • What (2004)
  • What Strikes Back (2004)
  • The Third Record I Put Out in 2004 (2004)
  • I'll Give You a Nickel if You Tickle my Pickle (2004)
  • Birdsong Studies for the Cuckoo Clock of the Long Wind (2004)
  • Ich wirst geben Sie ein Fünfcentstück falls Sie prickeln mein pökeln (For Germans) (2005)
  • WTF Is Going On Here ? - One Less Purple Werld (2005)
  • Scents for Hospitals (2005)
  • Only Art-Fags Like Me Use Macs (2005)
  • The Equatorial Girth (2005 with Robert Fripp)
  • Mike Jones (2006)
  • My (2006)
  • Ten Thousand Views of Soporific Screensavers for Evenings (CD/DVD/USB hub/collectable vinyl keychain with Laurie Anderson) (2006)
  • The White Parade (2007)

See Also[edit]

~Brian Wilson

~Emo

~Papa Eno