Woooooaaaaah... This shit is amazing... Oh right. *ahem* Brick smoking is the time honored tradition of lighting a brick on fire and inhaling the totally wicked psychedelic fumes that come out. The reason I say it's time honored is because Time itself smokes bricks; oh dude, this one time Time was smoking bricks and he got totally messed up man like he created a whole bunch of temporal paradoxes and shit, me and my friends were laughing at him so hard man. Bricks are the most powerful drug in this or any other universe and when properly smoked they cause people to do crazy stuff, sometimes so crazy that it defies all physics.
Brick smoking was first invented by Gustav Kirchhoff in 1823 when his brick house burned down, he noticed that he was sent back in time and accidentally prevented his house from ever burning down in the first place. After researching this phenomenon more thoroughly he found out that the fumes from bricks are such a highly addictive substance, that Time itself was gettin' freaky off it, this eventually lead him to form the theory of spacetime but it was later stolen by Albert Einstein. Kirchhoff spent the rest of his life trying to find a way to make brick smoking even better. Some say that he's still alive and he's just drifting through the universe, but they're usually high on bricks when they say that. It is suspected that all of Gustav Kirchhoff's other achievements were thought up while high from doing his research.
The effects of brick smoking are far too numerous to list in one place. The most common effects include:
- An urge to smoke more bricks (called "the crunchies" by avid smokers)
- Grandfather paradoxes
- Turning into a clown, teddy bear, or various other monsters
- Complete immunity to all diseases
- A feeling that life actually has meaning and that we should all live in peace
- Studying spectroscopy
- Chicken huffing
- Having the Willy Nillies
- Visions of walls of brick, all for the taking
It is rumored that 20,000 people each year become brick smokers, but most of those people died centuries before hand. It was recently discovered that it only takes a single molecule of brick smoke to enter a person's body for them to become completely addicted, however these people don't usually continue smoking bricks because they tend not to have any fucking clue what the hell's going on. Despite being so extremely addictive brick smoking isn't very well known, only a handful of people have been known to smoke bricks and new brick smokers aren't common because they have their bricks stolen by veteran smokers.
WARNING: DO NOT HUFF BRICKS, OR YOU WILL MEET CONSEQUENCES BEYOND YOUR IMAGINATION.
It didn't take long after the discovery of brick smoking for it to be outlawed across the planet for its user's blatant disregard for physical laws and tendency to live fulfilling lives. In order to enforce anti-brick laws the U.S. government founded the FBI to watch out for distortions in spacetime and aliens who use brick smoking to travel faster than light. In an attempt to get around the laws brick dealers sometimes hurl bricks through their costumers' windows with a bill attached to it, this way they can only be charged with vandalism if they are to be caught.
Fun Things to Do While High
If you manage to get your hands on some bricks there are a lots of fun things to do while you're high, here are a few examples:
- Hire a prostitute and violate her in the front and in the back.
- Be Artsy and create murals.
- Encourage more brick smoking.
- Feed turtles your smegma
- Watch the full season of yo momma
And if none of these strike your fancy, go muff diving.