Brickrock

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One of the original Brickrock, Eroding peacefully in his owners hands

A Brickrock is a man-made organism, like Corn or a Bar mitzvah. It was created in 1926 (or MCMXXVI) when a young scientologist named Ulrich combined the forces of Brick and rock to form a the worlds first Brick-Rock hybrid. Ulrich was Shocked to find that this creation of his was in fact a living thing.

Scientists and many chefs round the world believe this happened because of the high concentration of the the following elements in the brick contnet- Goron, Poontassium, Hardon, and Grits.

This Creature, when first discovered, was said to be enchanted and could never be broken, not in a billion years of trying to. After they broke it open they discovered it had high levels of Protein in it and could be eaten. Why anyone would eat it though, was beyond anyone's knowledge (most guessed that people were just bored).

The Brickrock tasted awful, and once you ate some of it you'd have the runs for decades and it gave you right to think you could double dip a chip. The only man who ever enjoyed the taste of Brickrock was that guy. They are also commonly used in the excecution of library nazi's.

After the discovery that these creatures were useless, production ceased and most of them were killed off. Some escaped the Brickrock genocide with the help of that guy and were set free in to the wild, mostly in Canada where they can roam and breed freely. Canada is perfect because their main diet is maple syrup and beer and it's not uncommon to find small colonies of brickrock just sitting around doing what they do best. Eroding.

Habitat[edit]

Brickrock like Cold Warm Dryish wet landscape that is fairly flat and is in fully furnished. they are usually found in Southern Ontario in Canada not be confused with Northern Ontario where nobody lives.

Recently they have been spotted being taken by local tourists. Shut up, that's not an oxymoron! and are sold as pets or as food (mostly only to That guy).

The ones that are used as food helped Charmin skyrocket to the top of the toilet paper market. The ones sold as pets became a houshold favorite for ginger kids who are very, very lonely.

The family pet in a portrait


Brickrocks, an evolution[edit]

It was once thought that dinosaurs were the first to roam earth, but it soon became apparent that something didnt quite match up. And in 1942, an extremely contraversial brickrock fossil was found dating back 900 million years ago. 2 years after it was discovered, this ancient brickrock went missing. Nobody knew where the brickrock had gone. A worldwide search was conducted, the brickrock had to be found, it was a gigantic breakthrough in modern science. The brickrock was later discovered and captured, hiding out as an asian tourist in the great wall of China, with only one comment made to the press.

The brickrock was discovered by a team of 3 mongolians, who had apparently forgotten that the war had ended hundreds of years before, and that they should have died soon after.

An artist's conception of the brickrock in court

The brickrock was taken to Mongolian court and was found guilty of treason, crimes against humanity, three counts of rape and smuggling 79 Micronesian asylum seekers across the boarder. Three days after the trial, the last two charges were scrapped. When the judge was questioned on the irregular charges, he only had this to say:


“We realised the charges were phony when we found a small Mexican man riding a donkey around the courtroom. From this we deducted that we were most likely stoned and probably not in any state to make charges.”

~ Judge on the capture


The brickrock later was sentenced to 3 years of manual labour, holding together a small chimmney somewhere in the South Pacific.

Today, the brickrock, now free, is making the most of his life. After winning the lottery 7 times consecutively he wrote a book on "How to win the lottery" and is currently living on his own private Island, "Australia" and is under the alias "John Howard".

Taking Care of your Brickrock[edit]

I'm assuming if your reading this then your a very lonely person and own a Brickrock. 99.99% of Brickrock owners have never seen their brickrocks actually move. the 0.01% being chuck norris who sees everything. There is no real trick to taking care of a brickrock; most owners just stick them in a box and clean out the brick shavings twice a month. some owners have found that if you don't train your brickrock enough (or too much) or if you don't sing it the Brickrock song (Composed by Randal) then they can become as hostile as a ninja pirate. If you follow these 4 simple steps you can get away safely or in worst case scenario a short stay in intesive care.

1. Recite the alphabet in Hebrew as this confuses it.

2. Calm it down with some orange slices or eggo walffles.

3. Run for your life or "Giver Chickens" .

4. If your not already dead or paralyzed contact a doctor immediately.

How do you know if you've found a brickrock?[edit]

the great brickrock hoax of 93'

There have been many false reports of brickrock sightings all around the world like the great brickrock hoax of 93' where many believed that they had found an albino brickrock but it turned out they took it for granite. Most of the sightings have just been of brick or rock and not brickrock. To see if it is a real brickrock it must be 3 parts brick to 1 part rock. Ulrich stumbled onto this complex formula by accident while searching for a cure for snow blindess in Kittens.

A brickrock is told apart form it's non-living cousins from it's distict brownish colour and it's bricky texture. If you think you've spotted a wild brickrock approach it with caution. make sure it isn't an alpha male by licking it's hind brick-quarters, if it tastes salty youve got an alpha male on your hands. A rare but deadly catch sometimes better to just put back down.

Population[edit]

It is estimated becasue of the fact that Brickrocks reproduce a-sexualy, that there is up to 17 brickrocks living in every house in Canada.

They recently have been spotted migrating in large heards towards Quebec because of the rumour that french girls put out more. they only stop to get there fill of the maple syrup/beer rivers and streams that are quite common in Canada.

there migration cycle is kind of lake a whale's migration as it is near England and close to Scotland.

they have many breeding grounds that dot southern Ontario right along the Canada/USA boarder. the majority being in the niagra falls riegion.

Nuclear Properties[edit]

No this is not Kryptonite it's a radioactive Brickrock

It was discovered that the inner Elements of the Brickrock make a highly radioactive substance. Scientologists beleive that this could be the cause of getting the exploding shits from eating it, and it explains why most people who have prolongeed exposure to Brickrocks, eventually die.

Strangly enough it is also an elaborate form of medicine for cancer patients. the powerfullness of the brickrocks radio-activity can be harnessed and concentrated to succusesfully destroy all cancer cells in a patient, unfortunatly it also kills all other cells in the patient rendering them dead. this includes the very important soul cells. Fire and bullets can be subbed in for this method if you do not have a brickrock.

See Also[edit]