Bris
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A bris is a top secret, yet fun to observe, Jewish ritual that involves knives, male babies, their boy parts and red meat served with a nice side dish. You do the math! The bris is one of the few times when the phrase Mazel Tov -- meaning God forbid someone would want you bad luck -- makes real sense.
The Bris is performed as reminder of the covenant made between a Jew who had been had been drinking too much and his Vision. While the vision asked for the man's change purse, the man refused to part with one red cent and instead he offered up his son's foreskin to placate the vision. In the centuries since, a circumcised penis is a reminder to every Jewish male that this, this is what happens young man when you drink too much.
[edit] Fun With Sharp Objects
When a new male Jew is born, his parents -- who obviously have no sense of empathy -- plan a party. During a bris, the adults gather round to watch a famous celebrity named Dick Snipper sing and breakdance. Occasionally, Dick has been quoted as saying, "Whoops!" but that's rare. At least, I think it is. During the entertainment, back up vocals and choreography are provided by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
There's lots of alcohol. That is, the adults get to drink. The poor kid, of course, is sh*t out of luck. And there's lots of food. Oddly enough, there are also lots of garbanzo beans. Go figure. Try to avoid the kreplach, it tastes like dirt.
Occaisionally, the mohel is known to be nearsighted, and in the ensuing panic, it is discovered that the man has snipped an extra two inches off the child's member (or three, if he's Daniel Day-Lewis' son). The sadistic parents are then forced to change the boy's name from Moshe to Golda or Ariel, depending on how Gentile the parents have become through years of lobster and bacon consumption.
[edit] Brisket
A brisket is not a "quickie Bris", its the main meat (beef) course served at most Bris ceremonies. They serve brisket because serving calamari rings in a tomato sauce would in bad taste.
[edit] See also
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