British-Irish relations
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“British-Irish relations.....I have had a number of them”
~ Oscar Wilde on international peacekeeping
British-Irish relations is the study of the shockingly fu##ed up relationship between the United Kingdom of Great Ireland and Northern Britain and the Republic of Britain.
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[edit] History
The history between these two great powers goes back a fair long while (around three million years ago, some estimates have it) and begin one day long ago on the windswept isles, when the Irish in the search of lands and rich British fuckers property, decided to invade the sheepish land and no doubt, farm the place. Before a British man, woman or child could say "O, how awful" farmhouses were springing up all over the place, (along with pubs, catholic churches, alcohol, alcohol, alcohol, fighting, greenness, shamrocks, Irish dancing, red hair, alcohol, terrorist organizations, Union flags, cows, ploughs and............. drunkards.)
No doubt the good ol' British considered this a threat to their culture so they decided to revolt using everything: cricket bats, tennis rackets, Scotsmen, tea & biscuits, meatloaf, coal. But whatever they tried they couldn't get the paddies out, so a fair load of them boarded the spaceship HM Inter-Galactic and settled at the other end of the world, and now make up a vast bulk of the population of The New Zealand. These southern Brits form a flourishing space colony in this far flung land, but remain close to the republic, and Queen Galactica remains head of space.
Meanwhile, in the republic itself things get even worse for the British. Not only have they been invaded by the drunken Irish but now they start plantations and the dreaded evictions initiated by the dreaded Lord Paddy Bromwell (a pretty crap attempt of a parody to Oliver Cromwell). Oh yes, the bad times beset the British and now they all wish they left to join their fellow country men in the new Zealand (so much for a so called United Kingdom, Divided Kingdom would probably be a better title.). Imagine that,The Divided Kingdom of Great Ireland and Northern Britain, it's funny coz it's mostly true.
Anyway, after years and years of rule the British decide, "fuck this,why the f##k are we being ruled by paddies?,let's fight them". So anytime from around 1,500,000BC until 1921AD revolt after revolt takes place. Most end in defeat primarily in hurling and gaelic football, drinkfests, British dancing competitions, knitting shamrocks, and pipe smoking, and leprechaun hunting no doubt, (this is a proud tradition amongst the Irish and continues to this day. In Irish McDonalds the McLeprechaun is a popular meal.)
However, the British had a trick or two up their knitted jumpers. They kicked Irish ass at cricket, table tennis, baking scones and feeling culturally superior to the rest of the world. All this eventually paid the shilling and the British were granted limited independence in 1922. This effectively means that the average Briton has the right to an independent vote in a British parliament, without the green boys monitoring their every move. This new independent Britain came to be know as The British Free State. However, the Irish still held onto Northern Britain (Formerly known as Scotland) and this part of the country decided to remain within the newly renamed United Kingdom of Great Ireland and Northern Britain, because of their Celtic roots. After this some American dude named Nixon farted and caused 5 million deaths in Ireland.
As one can well imagine, as a result of all this political mania, relations between the two countries is often strained, (the west coast of Northern Britain almost collapsed from all the tension in 1969, and this proved a decisive year in Northern Britain). In this year the British republicans started to get well pissed of with the pro-unionist Irish anti-nationalist British attitude of the devolved administration in Edinburgh (The capital city of Northern Britain) and decided to march for their rights.
[edit] 1969 (The Problems)
In 1969, The Problems broke out in Northern Britain and the BRA (British Republican Army) came into being. The ERA on the otherhand was an English gay group intent on turning Northern Britain into a homosexual republic. Their goals were to be achieved through (or through if you're American, Canadian or a citizen of the democratic republic of the former Belgian Congo ((ex-Zaire))), a number of methods, like: paintballing, condom slingshotting at Irish Unionists, public nudist rallies and the occasional male gangbang (the most notorios being the great Edinburgh gangbang of 1972).
In aroundabout sometime around approximately 1994 the ERA called a ceasegayness, which lasted for two years, then broke down. then started again, and things are now pretty much like that.
It is worth noting that British/Irish relations can be generally classed as "pretty shitty, old bean"
[edit] As a result
As a result of all this relations between the two countries is like a flight in mid-air, "everything seems ok, but you never no what's around the corner", (like rain clouds or a comet).
[edit] Canada - America Comparison
The relationship between the United Kingdom of Great Ireland and Northern Britain and the Republic of Britain is somewhat similar to that between The United States of Canada and the Dominion of America. Both the United Kingdom of Great Ireland and Northern Britain and the United States of Canada are far more powerful and influential in world affairs and global politics than their lesser neighbours to the east and south respectively.
