Brood War
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The Brood War was a major civil war in south Korea/major world war, spanning nine years (August 1999 - July 2008). It was one of the bloodiest wars in human history, with over 20 billion deaths total. It destroyed Korea, Japan, and most of China (By which I mean they are all completely sunk into the Pacific Ocean)
Contents |
[edit] Causes of the war
Although the original cause of the war is disputed, the most widely accepted story is that during the first ever Starcraft: Brood War tournament, two of the most powerful men in the country were pitted against each other in a 1 on 1 game in the map "Road War". During the game, both computers crashed, and these men were furious, and using all their powers, they mustered armies greater than any in the world. these armies battled for years until, in 2003, they discovered a way to summon creatures from the starcraft universe. Unfortunately the creatures ran amok, and took over quickly. Kerrigan (who is QUEEN OF EVERYTHING WORSHIP THE GREAT KERRIGAN AND DESPAIR BEFORE HER ALMIGHTY POWER) became the undisputed ruler of the whole fucking universe and now everyone thinks she's a god.
It is a fact that it is totally Blizzard's fault.
[edit] Beginning (1999-2003)
After the previously mentioned video game match, both of the men began mustering forces for attack. They're most effective recruiting tool was a satellite device that would mind control people. unfortunately, they both had one, and many of the soldiers constantly walked back and forth between the sides. This was one of the major causes of death, as the soldiers kept getting hit by cars, or attacked by vicious animals. finally, the satellites crashed into each other in space, beyond repair. Thus began the regular war-like battling, that will probably be made into a video game some time in the future.
[edit] The Battle of Hong Kong
by early 2002, the war had stretched all the way into china, and one of the most notable battles of the early war was The Battle of Hong Kong. While one of the Generals was masturbating late one night, he came up with the most ingenious stratagem ever: Rape the enemy to death. the next day, in Hong Kong, the general sent out his men. Every single one was brutally killed. Fortunately, the soldiers that did receive a dick in the ass liked it so much that they joined the other side. It was the most successful battle of the war.
[edit] The reason it's called "the Brood War" (2003-2008)
in 2003, A fucking nerd Scientist created a device that could summon beings from the Starcraft universe. Unfortunately, he never told anyone how to make one, and he was killed several seconds after finishing the second one. both sides got their hands on one, and both sides used it. For some reason probably only known to the shit ugly four eyes Scientist, only zerg came out. the first zerg to come through happened to be KERRIGAN WHO IS NOW QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE but wasn't then.
[edit] A fucking hilarious end for the world
And so, the QUEEN OF EVERYTHING YOU SEE spread out across the world, and by 2008... She was pretty much Queen bitch of the universe. and all that pointless shit you did before 2003 went to waste in a heartbeat. pwned.
[edit] Aftermath
Two days after the end of the war, Kerrigan announced that George Bush would become her right hand, or "Vice-Leader". Bush was subsequently infested, and has since become one of the greatest leaders ever known (besides KERRIGAN QUEEN OF ALL). Now, Kerrigan and Infested Bush have taken over every single country in the world except Canada. They didn't want to waste their time on petty matters.
Please note that this is the only article even mentioning the Brood War, because KERRIGAN THE GREAT ONE doesn't want any others. Please ask her before doing so.
 This article is quite random. You might want to edit it so that it's actually about something! |
