Bruce Forsyth

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Bruce Forsyth Was last spotted in Leeds, nice to see youz to see youz nice innit! (currently a chav)

“Nice to penetrate you, to penetrate you, nice”

~ Bruce Forsyth on talking dirty to his wife

“Isn't he dead yet?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Bruce Forsyth

Bruce Forsyth or to give his full name Bruce Forskin was believed to have been millions of years old but it turns out he was born in 1928 BC, making him slightly younger than Terry Wogan. You might have seen him on the telly. In fact, if you're a British subject and you've cared to glance at Sir John Logie Baird's fabulous invention any Saturday night in the last 50 years, you've almost certainly seen him wearing a tuxedo, a toupee and a smile. Despite being lauded as a TV professional, he simply does presenting work to fund his addiction to rich and expensive gravys and supermodels. He came upon the idea of The Price Is Right during a midnight walk on Hampstead heath by accident wishing to invent a new method of sieving. It didn’t work. He grants you three wishes if you stroke his chin and chant "nice to see you to see you nice!" sixteen times. He is married to a former Mr World.


Bruce presents BBC series Sticky Cum Dancing and viewers often mistake him for a corpse which has led to over 15 billion complaints. In his online blog Bruce defends his appearance:

“Piss off and mind your own!”

Bruce currently resides in one of the many derelict warehouses off the coast of Wolverhampton. He has been married to a string of beautiful woman, and if we are honest, we are all pretty jealous of the bastard.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Bruce Forsyth.

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