Bubonic Plague

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“Ah...the bubonic plague. I eat it for breakfast!”

~ Chuck Norris on The bubonic plague

“Hehe, look at at all the bubbles!”

~ Victim on dying from The bubonic plague

“ Maybe if we get on our knees and pray, this terrible disease will go away”

~ Catholic priest on Bubonic Plague
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bubonic Plague.

History[edit]

The bubonic Jack Black.

The bubonic plague, also known as the bubonic flag, the bubonic black and the bubonic Jack Black, was created when renowned adventurer Homer Simpson was searching the nuclear fusion zone of the Springfield Power Plant for the legendary sword: Nuclealibur, said to have been hidden by the legendary multimillionaire Monty Burns. However, he accidentally tripped over a rock and rammed his head into a barrel of dimethylmercury. The chemical oozed its way into the nuclear reactor and caused the bubonic plague to form. The whole town of Springfield died because of it, except for Homer because he was blind, he said "Oh I see".

Some suspect that while using his time machine, Doc Brown planted the barrel to cause the plague, and destroy all black people once and for all. It did not spread fast to the great state of Texas where; the great people quoted the phrase "Where the Whiskey Runs, And the Beer Chases". The sheer amount of alcoholic content alone sterilized that from all diesease.

Your mother had the Bubonic plague at one point or another.

Spread of the Bubonic Plague[edit]

After the incident in 5, trillions of Millhouse viruses converged to form a mass large enough to drive a car. They barged into the Simpson household and infected Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie. They all died. Then they stole Homer's keys, took his car, and drove around town, infecting anyone in their path.

After infecting much of the United States, the bubonic plague disgused itself as Barry Manilow and his wife, Mary Banilow. They bought a first class ticket for a flight to the rest of the world. After the trip, the bubonic plague began its killing spree again. Police attempted to arrest it, but died when they came within a kilometre of it.

The Bubonic Plague was also assisted by the Holy Roman Church, who burned witches and their kitty cats, creating a "bubonic smoke" that floated over towns, infecting people and causing them to sing the jingle to Meow Mix commercials.

Also, kings and queens tried to avoid the Bubonic Plague by locking themselves inside their castles. Of course, the Bubonic Plague was too smart. It had made extra sets of keys, and oh, why are you so smart, Bubonic Plague? what are you nerdlingers talking about?

How to Defend Yourself Against the Bubonic Plague! (Masturbation Included)[edit]

  1. Eat lots of jello, especially strawberry. It might not help, but it sure tastes good. (With Masturbation)
  2. Try and get sick with a disease that is even worse to scare the Bubonic plague away. (Causing it to Masturbate)
  3. Don't get sick at all. Go to the hospital instead and take lots of medicine. (While Masturbating)
  4. Hide in the trash and disguise yourself as a banana. You've never heard of a banana getting the plague, right? (Especially not while Masturbating)
  5. Go to Antarctica. The Plague hasn't reached there yet. If you already have the plague, see advice thing number 1. (And remember to Masturbate)
  6. Try to discover a new galaxy with a team of gay russian plumbers. (.....)
  7. Keep AVG anti-virus up to date. (It doesn't Masturbate)
  8. Have fun with your girl. It will keep the desease away (not masturbating, cause you're playin already)
  9. Watch the two girls with one cup video. (Don't Masturbate)
  10. Masturbate more often, you'll flush the sickness out eventually, if not die a very erotic death. Bubonic plague was also said to effect the central nerve bank effecting our erection gland causing any man women child or baby to sprout an erection at any time during the day. (All while masturbating!)
  11. Maturbate! (Of course, while masturbating.)
  12. Climb up onto the Statue of Liberty, and holler down the words "The PANCAKE HAS FALLEN FINALLY TO THE DEPTHS OF TARTARUS, CAUSING ALL TO LIVE FULLY SO THAT YOU CAN LIVE TODAY TO HUG ME YESTERDAY!" and after that, recite pi to the longest, for example, "3.12159265358979328...", which is probably the ONLY effective way to stop the plague. (ALL while masturbating) AND OF COURSE, IF YOU DO GET THE PLAGUE, then just COMMIT SUICIDE because nobody has ever heard of anyone dying when they're already DEAD. (ALL WHILE MASTURBATING.)

What you should NEVER do if you get the disease[edit]

1.DO NOT go to a "real" doctor with a supposed "cure" to this disease, its spam! Don't listen to him! 2.Oh, and dont eat any apples, they might masturbate inside of you. 3. Go to the Church and you will get beat for not being a hardcore Christian.

And have lots and lots and lots of sex. That always helps. MMHHMMM...........

Other names for the bubonic plague[edit]

Other names for the Bubonic plague are

Masturbating, The Bubonic Plague, the franken flu, The Pestilence, "I want my money and I want it now!", Homer's gift to the world, the Black death, the giggle box, Jeffy the Fish, IGOTTHEBUBONI -- and then they die before they can finish speaking, piggysniffles, also known as swine flu, and YO MOMMAH.