Bucky O'Hare

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Captain Vitzroy Buckminster O'Hare
Bucky O'Hare was a 1780s documentary detailing another dimension, another time and space, where a parallel universe was falling on it's face. It chronicles the struggles of the inhabitants of the universe, who thought themselves doomed until out of the chaos appeared --who else could it be? -- the animal adventures of S.P.A.C.E (Sentient Protoplasm Against Colonial Encroachment, Latin for 'Geddit up them Toad Bastards').


The Story[edit]

Naval officer Captain Bucky O'Hare was the commanding officer of HMSS Righteous Indignation (a space frigate boasting a frightful weapons complement of not only bangers but also mash. These horrific weapons were commonly used in the preparation of the dish 'Toad in the Hole' which was, not coincidentally, viewed as a racist slur by the Toad Empire. Captain O'Hare habitually paced his ship's poop deck shouting "Mutants, aliens, and toads beware!" He and his feral crew -- Jenny, Deadeye, Blinky and Willy DuWitt -- lived by the Mantra If you're lookin' for adventure, well this is it and had journeyed to the ends of the galaxy questing for unspoilt crumpet.

Bucky would go where no ordinary rabbit would dare (such places included the center of the sun, Margaret Thatcher's vagina, Mansons Munster Hunt, the crevasse of a fat chicks' cleavage, and the festering wens of Belgium) was also heard to give further advice to young naval officers; "If your Righteous Indignation has suffered a hit, and your photon accelerator's broken a bit, and you're losing your mind, and you're having a fit, get the funky fresh rabbit who can take care of it!". He later had to clarify he didn't mean "That waster Bugs Bunny, he gives us all a bad name, I mean Jessica Rabbit was shite, not a patch on Jenny, she could suck like a Dyson with just as many patents."

After a series of adventures centered around the crumpet mines of Luton Minor 3, Bucky (that's Captain Bucky O'Hare, not to be confused with Lucky O'Hare, the one-legged, blind, alcoholic cat who died in '2004 after being shot on stage at a gig in Columbus, Ohio) became involved in the escalating race war between the Mammal Republic and the Terrible Space Toads, after Buck accidentally annexed the Rhineland. He led a squadron of laser mounted Vauxhall Astras with the Righteous Indignation at the terrifically violent and flashy Battle of the Anniverse, which despite the intervention of corrupt spacelord Steven Spielberg and his robot Ewoks, was won for the mammals. His brave actions and way with a coolly delivered quip made him a hero in the Anniverse. And so today, when you check out your scanner and the evil that it bodes, Bucky recommends only one course of action -- and we quote: "Lets croak us some toads!!"

And so the story ended with Bucky, Captain Bucky O'Hare (later promoted to Admiral before leaving his post due to the Major Dogstar chapped-anus scandal), you say Bucky and I said Bucky! (for a time there was a rumour it was spelt Bucky but pronounced Adam West, but this rumour was dispelled by Jesus armed with a Ven diagram) --

-- deep breath --

-- Bucky O'Hare's legacy lives on. So let us croak us, yes indeed crocus, some toads.

Bucky O'Hare[edit]

Today Bucky is living in a small Glaswegien burrow supporting local sporting team Glasgow Celtic. He chairs the sectarian supporters group the 'CLAP' (Celtic Lovers Antagonising Prodestants), assisted by newly retired Roy Keane who was given an honoury role due to his history as a hard man. Roy has been arrested numerous times for glassing, beating, scunnering and "ending" his rival supporters. A drunk and sexual predator, Bucky rekindled his affair with Margaret Thatcher for a short time before she caught "teh aids". (Seriously, have you seen Maggie lately? The press may not have said anything but it has to be true!) He promptly chucked her for 14 year old Celtic fan Chantal. After being diagnosed with a skin condition similar to Michael Jackson's famous White Scabies he is living out his days with his pregnant fiance Chantal as his skin slowly turns to burberry and his gold jewellery collection grows to gargantuan almost Mr T-like proportions. Mr Dogstar (who lost his naval rank in 2001 having succumbed to a hefty drug overdose) remarked "That O'Hare can't survive outside the force, he needs the battle to keep him alive, without it he's just wasting away. Can I buy a kilo of pot from you?").


Jenny[edit]

Jenny, who was the ships navigator with big tats, is now living in California and is a successful porn star with her own production company Minge-a-riffic Pictures. Using her feline agility and telepathic abilities she is able to please any potential partner with relative ease. She was heading for a prominent place in the S.P.A.C.E. organization but dropped out of the Navy after a bitter row with Bucky in a bar at the end of war celebrations where he knocked her back in order to date Margaret Thatcher. She spent two years in isolation, replaying the night's events in a vain attempt to find something to pull her out of the deep depression she had succumbed to. For this period she was commonly referred to as that emo kitty bitch. Upon hearing this she became galvanized, refusing to be emo she went into the happiest most self fullfiling industry she could find, the porn industry. After initially playing off her old fame, she became a star in her own right and a strong, confident black woman. After gashmoygading many a gaflavity she set up her own company and is now a multi-millionaire having directed many successful movies such as Captain Fucky O'Hare, The Adventures of Binky: His Other Eye and Berserker Baboons Do Dallas.

Dead Eye Duck[edit]

After the war, Dead Eye returned to his pirating ways for a short period; profiting greatly on the left over carnage the war had produced. He founded his own planet with cousin Donald Duck and eventually went to war with Adam West and Jesus (who had temporarily teamed up after Dead Eye seduced bother their mothers, filming the riotous threesome and broadcasting it on his planet every 15 minutes on Sky Movies 4). The war raged on for 8 months until, after finding the mighty Zeo crystals West and Jesus summoned their mighty power zords which combined into the Turbo-Super-Zeo-Jesus-West MegaZord. Using this they crushed the Duck Empire that Dead Eye and Donald had built leaving them running from the planet their tails literally between their legs. Dead Eye rebuilt his life becoming a Gold Medal winning gymnast, excelling in the Rings event representing Turkey (his closest avian relative) in the 2012 Oympics in London. He now spends his time sponsoring sports drink 'Indigo' in sexually suggestive adverts on television channels HBO, ABC, HIV, DEF, HIJ, KLM, KKK (and KKK +1), DTS, STV, STD 3, CDRW, DVDR, DOA, DWI and BMW/BLT 1.

Blinky[edit]

Full name 'Blinky Edwards', he became a member of the ship 'Indifatiguable' (where he was reassigned after the war) where his last recorded message to base has become Naval forklore "This is Blinky, last surviving member of the Indifatiguable, signing off." His body was ever found although he is now presumed dead; his surviving legacy being the band he formed in 2009 the 'Manic Beach Preachers' who's album 'The Holy Koran' is still an all time top selling LP on the Mannimal charts after almost 15 years. Blinky manage to step out from the shadow of his days under Bucky O'Hare's command by laser cutting the phrase '4 reel' into his arm, after interviewer 'Al Nagtor' questioned whether his movie showing abilities (Blinky often projected movies from his one big eye for fellow comrades) were as good quality as old reel based robot systems.


Willy Du Witt[edit]

After gaining an honoury degree for his work on 'The Richeous Indignation' from the University of Glochenspeil, Germany, Willy traveled back in time on to form 'The Clan Microsoft'. Other high profile members of the 'The Clan Microsoft' include Sean Connery, The Family Ness (who use their Secret Thistle Whistles so brainwash innocent folk into buying their multitude of over-iterated products each which works to a slightly lower degree than the last) and Oscar Wilde. They are famous for their shitty tartan design that brings shame the great nation of Scotland and lead to all their members being banned from the country for all time. They continue with their constant reiteration designs although are now being threated by the mightly Pear Systems, lead by the heavenly mecha-warzord Das Haselhoff!!


Bruiser[edit]

Bruiser disappeared after the war to hunt out his lost brother Bruce who was lost to another dimension in an accident on 'The Richeous Indignation'. He was last heard to be a gay condo owner living with inventor of the third breast Dolph Lundgren.