Bugs Bunny

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Aside from carrots, Bugs Bunny also eats babies...baby carrots that is.

“What's up doc?”

~ Bugs Bunny on obtaining a medical license

Bugs Bunny is a bunny known best for starring in several Warner Bros cartoons over the years as well as his incredible speed, which is said to rival the speed of light. In fact, he has gotten several speeding tickets in the past. Interestingly enough, despite the fact that bunnies have limited lifespans, he has been alive for over seventy years after eating a "magical" carrot, which is made somewhat depressing since his entire family has perished long ago due to "natural" causes.

Although he is technically a rabbit, many people refer to him to as a hare, which causes him to respond "What do you think my name is?!".

He is essentially the Warner Bros. mascot, and will always follow them around wherever they go. In fact, they have hired a hitman known as Elmer Fudd to kill him to make room for the hammy Porky Pig, but due to his low IQ and terrible hunting skills the rabbit hunter likely will never succeed.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Bugs Bunny.

Early life[edit]

Bugs Bunny was born along with his one thousand brothers and sisters inside a rabbit hole in Brooklyn, New York under Ebbets Field. Due to the fact that it was home to the baseball team Brooklyn Dodgers, he and his family were often used as baseballs. He scared many of his family members to death when he visited by a veternarian once he asked him "What's up, doc?". Due to the fact that his mother drank beer shortly after going into labor, he was born with the ability to speak...thankfully, he wasn't a very profanic bunny, due to the fact that he was always in a good mood.

Years later, he would create a TV series about his life known as Baby Looney Tunes, which is a show mostly about him and his friends sucking their thumbs and crying for a diaper change, the latter of which he needed quite frequently and was almost never granted due to his highly neglective parents.


Bugs Bunny cutting apart the Declaration of Independence simply because he did not to get sign it, therefore enslaving America to the British.

Eventually, Bugs Bunny would make his way to Hollywood after using a taxi (which he unfortunately failed to tip), however his efforts to gain fame were always foiled by another Looney Tunes character known as Daffy Duck, who interestingly enough was quite jealous of him. Furthermore, people kept on referring him as a hare instead of a rabbit, causing him endless frustration. Nonetheless, he finally gained fame when he made history by winning a race against a turtle, after his opponent fell on his back and was unable to get up due to the fact that he had left his Life Call pendant inside his shell.

He eventually obtained a girlfriend in the form of Lola Bunny, unfortunately his fans weren't nearly as fond of her as he was, in fact she was hated by many long-term Looney Tunes fans ever since her debut in his rather bizzare movie Space Jam, making it a miracle that she continues appearing in his spinoffs. Apparently, the writers do not realize anything about their target audience.

And yet somehow, people kept mistaking him for a hare, so much that people started calling him Harry Hare instead of Bugs Bunny. He has tried a million times to get people to stop, but they keep calling him a hare. Suffice to say, he is in a rather hairy situation.

World War II[edit]

Bugs Bunny tries to sell Mickey Mouse some carrots...why he tried to do so while they were parachuting, the world may never know.

Curiously enough, Bugs Bunny enrolled himself in the military with the Allies, hoping to assassinate Adolf Hitler personally using his best friend, a sniper rifle loaded with 24 karat bullets. Unfortunately, his wish was never granted, as the German dictator turned chicken and shot himself in the head before he and the Soviet Union could reach his bunker rather than face his almost certain execution like a man. Depressed, he never participated in another war again...with the possible exception of his ongoing feud between him and Disney, which has frequently escalated into full-out violence. Interestingly enough, it started simply because Bugs Bunny boasted he was faster than Mickey Mouse...

Recent affairs[edit]

Recently, Bugs Bunny has taken up growing vegetables in a local forest with over one hundred acres...unfortunately, his efforts have almost always been ruined by a bouncing happy-go-lucky tiger who gleefully claims that he is the last of his kind, suggesting that he is somehow responsible for the near extinction of his race. He has tried multiple times to get rid of him, but somehow he keeps on coming back to continue tormenting him. Unfortunately for him, Elmer Fudd is the only animal hunter around, meaning that he can never hire a hunter to catch the tiger by the toe for him.


The symbol of bunny heaven...which unfortunately is not where Bugs Bunny will be going.

Bugs Bunny is a very clever animal, capable of outwitting his various foes, including Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam, and even Daffy Duck. He is quite fond of carrots, so much that he will sell his soul to the devil and/or chew his own arm off just to obtain them. He has cheated Death on multiple occasions...in fact, Death has given up on him long ago in favor of taking a vacation at a resort. In other words, Death is dead.

On the other hand, he despises hasenpfetter...which he is quite allergic to. He is also terrified of ferrets, as they are his one weakness...and are always giving him the evil eye.

Due to being a cartoon character, he is also quite the masochist and enjoys having star circle his head, however he will also go berserk in the event one takes a diarrhea dump on his face, which the Angry Video Game Nerd learned the hard way.

That's all, folks!