Bullshit Syndrome

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Bullshit Syndrome is a condition in which people will blatantly put forward imaginary events and present them as facts. This can take many forms, from simple lies about one's age to believeing that countries are secretly hiding weapons of mass destruction, or even that there's an invisible sky monster controlling everything. More famous accounts of sufferers of BSS are George Bush (WMDs in Iraq), Tony Blair (also beleved in WMDs in Iraq), Nick Griffon (just in general really), Hillary Clinton (claiming when she entered Bosnia she came under sniper fire).

If you are uncertain if you or your loved ones have Bullshit Syndrome, there are a few easily recognizable symptoms that you should look for. For starters, anyone suffering from Bullshit Syndrome will talk. A lot. I mean, the words just fire out of their mouths like semen from a dick. (It should be noted that one should always wear protection when listening to someone with Bullshit Syndrome.) The next thing to look for is the subject saying irrelevant things, like claiming that you sank their Jenga-ship while playing Connect Four. However, these symptoms alone are not enough to diagnose one with Bullshit Syndrome. A telltale symptom is the spewing of non-obvious falsities. These can range from claiming to be raped by the Duke lacrosse team, saying the Soviets beat us to space, or using the Internet to make people believe in a fictitious medical condition. If this symptom goes unnoticed and untreated, it will advance to a far more dangerous stage: the spewing of very obvious falsities. These can include denying Holocaust denial denial, stating that Michael Moore's movies are worth watching, and expressing a belief in God.

So what can you do if one of your loved ones has Bullshit Syndrome? At this point, nothing. By the time you can properly diagnose it the damage is already done. The afflicted individual will have already ruined their life or become President. If you are lucky enough to know someone with Bullshit Syndrome who has become President, there are two possible routes you can take to help get their life back on track. You can either break into a hotel or convince yourself that you are the reincarnation of Lee Harvey Oswald (which may, ironically, give you Bullshit Syndrome).

You're probably wondering how such a serious condition could have developed. An elite team of scientists, doctors, and professional wrestlers have been studying the issue for years. So far they have determined that developing Bullshit Syndrome is likely related to a genetic defect, mosquito bites, being a Kennedy, or possibly drinking lemonade. Heh, I'm just kidding. No one's been working on finding the cause or cure for Bullshit Syndrome. In fact, it's not even a real disorder. If you thought it was, you may want to start doing research on Being a Gullible Moron Syndrome.

Disclaimer: the author of the preceding bullshit has no life, no success, and no father who ever claimed him.