Burberry

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The burberry is a type of berry similar to the strawberry which can be found in the English countryside. Unlike the strawberry, however, the burberry is highly toxic, and anyone who ingests one swells up like a balloon before exploding violently. This was considered one of the highest forms of entertainment in Roman times.

In the Victorian ear it was discovered that burberry could create clothing; and many upperclass snobs began to wear these products. However, times have changed- and whilst everyone else has evolved these upperclass men have not and have become a breed known as Chav. The leaves create this material, and can also be smoked and have similar effects to Marijuana for some Chavs.

Effects of burberry[edit]

Applying burberry to oneself can have strange, exciting, or idiosyncratic results. Applying it to one's genitals (see Burberry Chap, Burberry Flap) has been shown to induce a fervor, similar to that induced by watching "All the Pretty Horses" 1000 times in the span of a year. Mashing it into a paste, then applying it directly onto the brain (via whatever orifice you so choose) yields an 8.14% chance of immediately and irreversably transforming into a small Chinese baby wearing a leisure suit. It also dramatically reduces the intelligence of the person- leaving them with a vocabluary that consists of 'innit', 'blood' and 'ugh'.

Making it into a hat results in a newborn Chav. Making it into other items of clothing also result in strange personality desorders. There have been reported cases that it has caused personality traits most frequently attributed with Samuel L. Jackson. Although, as of yet, this has not been proven.

Clothing[edit]

Its mostly worn by chavs who like to act like total nobbers. The most famous example of this would be The Royal Family. Prince Charles has a pool table with burberry baize. Apparently he never uses it anymore. British Prime minister (Former) Tony Blair has also been confirmed to posses an undisclosed number of burberry clothing items. Whether these items are in fact linked to his complete lack of leadership capabilities, or if he was, in fact, simply born that way is still a topic of debate amongst both scientific and political communities.