Burnt Face Man
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THIS ARTICLE A SPLODE.
In Communist Russia, Burnt Face Man disses YOU!
"Dorian Gray is a far handsomer chap than this ho. This fucker don't even got a magical poartrait with a non-burnt face. Where's my fuckin' ho stick? And would someone get me a goddamn brandy..."
~ Oscar Wilde on Burnt Face Man
Stanley Sage - AKA Burnt Face Man - is a burnt, shit gay-face [NASDAQ: BRNT F4C3]. His heroic antics involve use of his BurntFace-sense, thwapping evil-doers with a well-placed Sonic Boom, arguing with his announcer, watching TV in his underpants, pissing off everyone in Frying Pan City and being a stoopid dick. His sidekick is Suggestion Boy, who suggests things. Together they fight crime - "a shit that needs wiping up" - perpetrated by such villians as Bastard Man, Man-Spider, Vanilla Ice, Taps Man, Anger Man, Rockhead Rumple, Vanilla Ice, Mashed-Potato-In-A-Sock Man, Vanilla Ice, Have-A-Nice-Day Man, Meatloaf, Robert Mugabe, Vanilla Ice, and Thom Yorke. BFM's sidekicks are NOT Crow Boy, some flying horse-robot, Haddock Boy, Ralph Nader, Darth Vader or Bonnie Tyler.
Checkit! In other news... BFM/BSGF prefers chicken-flavoured cereal bars and spinach-flavoured coffee, but dislikes the Sega Game Gear. And his favorite animal is the Badger. Awwww! Although, it is alleged he once had sex with an eagle, which is neither funny nor true.
[[Image:<a href="http://www.b3tards.com/" title="Image hosted on b3tards.com"><img src="http://www.b3tards.com/u/3af187c80c011c1ce576/burntfaceman.jpg"|right|frame|'Burnit' enjoying a bit of Bastard-Man love.]]
A former agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., BFM was fired in June (no particular year): following both a revelation that he has fuck all actual, useful powers; and an incident involving an arm-wrestling match, a staircase and a tub of coleslaw. The massive burnt shit gay-face. He is now a leading academic of the Frankfurt School and has written books and everything.
Sadly, his burnt shit gay-face has not yet graced the cover of TIME Magazine.
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| This page is a work in progress But let's give it a chance. The author will finish it later. Or maybe not. Should they choose the latter, within seven days, this page will not exist anymore. Now, go away! This page will be re-checked on 16:53, 11 May 2007 |
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