Burrito
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Where is it?”
~ Michael Moore on his burrito
“We must protect every last delicious burrito!”
~ President George W. Bush on Hurricane Katrina
The burrito (Pasteles carnei) is a very small beast of burden (slightly larger than the Mexican cockroach), which is native to Ixtapaluca, Mexico. The burrito is also known to be the downfall of Mexican food as we know it, because white people can literally stuff anything into it nowadays and still call it by its honorable maiden name. In Southern Mexico they call them burritas (feminine, with 'a') because they enjoy raping them after they nuke them in a microwava, which they also rape. It is widely known burritos look more masculine than feminine so raping them is just plain gay. So that must make most of Southern Mexico gay. If you live in Southern Mexico and you are a male and are sexually attracted to masculinity, go rape a burrita if it makes you happy, just don't rape mine I am eating it thank you.
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[edit] History
[edit] El Burrito today
Today, the cute little burrito is beloved and cared for by Mexicans of all ages. Its diminutive size makes it ideal for a child's pet and hauling individual coffee beans over the most rugged terrain. Only after the burrito has outlived its adorable cuteness is it then skewered on a pointed stick, dipped in lard, roasted to perfection, and eaten with many flaming hot spices. It is also the official food of the University of Arizona. Michael Moore has been searching for his for quite some time.
The Surgeon General has warned that the consumption of the burrito may lead to uncontrollable flatulence followed by a steady stream of diarrhea erupting out of the anal orifice with tremendous pressure. It has also been said that if not cooked properly, the burrito will eat you from the inside out.
[edit] Caring for your Burrito
Once you have taken your burrito home it's important to allow it to get used to it's surroundings, allow it to explore the space of your single bedroom apartment. Don't introduce it to all your stoner friends at first becuase It may become frightened and sink back into it's wrapper. Be sure to set out a small bowl of milk and also guacamole.. your burrito is sure to enjoy this delicious feast. BEWARE: BURRITOS TEND TO ATTACK CATS AND GERBILS
[edit] The distant future
Due to uncontrolled inbreeding over the next five million years, the burrito will avenge its past brutal treatment by evolving into a gigantic hyperintelligent mutant cyborg bent on exterminating the last remnants of humanity. However, humanity will be saved from the monstrous cybernetic burrito hordes at the last minute by the heroic intervention of Tortillazilla (soon after Tortillazilla finishes eating and digesting Mexico City).
