Burt Ward

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Burt Ward aka TV's Robin! was in fact a dangerously schizophrenic man who almost daily threatened the life of the revered Adam West during the shooting of "Batman" in the 1960s. His attacks on one Mr. West began on the first day of shooting, during the very first scene in fact. Ward ripped West's utility belt from his waist and began choking him. Once separated, with West suffering permanent tracheal damage, which led to his distinctive delivery of lines, the producer of Batman Glenn Radmonkoyovtichelsticken asked him "Why?Why?" to which Ward replied "Why not?" Before starting a maniacal laughing spree that lasted well into the next day.

After Ward was taken away for the day Radmonkoyovtichelsticken and the producers debated the wisdom of keeping a sidekick who continually tried to kill the show's star. Finally Radmonkoyovtichelsticken convinced them to let Ward stay.

Ward's laughing fit, which initially terrified the cast and crew of Batman, later became the inspiration for a new villain on the show, The Riddler.

After returning to work Ward never tried to kill Adam West again. At least he never tried to kill him, again, while others were around. Although West constantly reported attempts on his life, no action was ever taken against Ward.

You can feel the hate palpatating off of him. Like an electric blanket. Only not.

[edit] Life After Batman

After Batman, Ward stayed in pretty good shape, seeing as he had to fit into the one Robin costume the show had allowed him to keep. Often he would go to the top of his Utica house dressed in it and jump off, with only an umbrella to aid him in his trips. This often ended in him being taken to the Emergency Room by his unnaturally kindly neighbor Shalandraneequa Taco. Ward made the decision to no longer jump off the roof of his house but then realized that he could never gain the courage to interact with his secret love Shalandraneequa Taco, again. So he made the decision to jump one more time, and on the way to the hospital he would ask Ms. Taco to marry him.

His plan ended in heart-breaking tragedy though when he jumped off the roof and landed directly on his spine, condemning him to the inconvenience of death. No sooner than he had broken his back did Ms. Taco rush to his side and ask "Why?" To which Ward, of course, replied the same way he had replied all those years ago... "Holy Neurological Nightmare, Batman!" He died seconds later.

[edit] Life After Death

While his body was in the ground, Ward was ceremoniously rushed to Heaven, but was mopey on the whole journey up, because of the loss of his Taco love. The poorly paid Mexican angels carrying him to Heaven did not question the dopiness of their certainly Holy passenger, fter all he must have some important things on his mind... you know... because, they were like, carrying him to Heaven so... Come on he has to be important right? Right? These blasphemous Mexicans were soon shot and replaced.

Upon his arrival in the Heaven Hall, he was immediately taken to see God. God, who was not a fan of the Batman television series, gave Ward five seconds to explain why he should not be killed again and sent to Uber-Hell -the sort of toilet-cubicle-hell for George Bushs and Hitlers. Ward sadly replied "Holy conundrum, Batman!" to no one in particular and so was ordered to be sent to Uber-Hell. He was, however, allowed out due to a loophole in his Soul's contract. He then convinced the Vice God if he could be allowed to live again and fight crime as Robin, the character he had loved so. Mr. T pitied the foo' and allowed Ward to return to life in his 1960s state.

[edit] Life After Being Returned To Life By Mr. T After Life After Death

Ward spends most of his time nowadays sitting in his Robin costume and throwing rocks at Adam West when he's not looking. He is currently writing a book about his exploits although every publisher in the world told him to not bother as no one would care, but still he persists, the foo'. He currently has the opening paragraph written on the side on an old McDonald's bag that he keeps in his skin-tight tights.

[edit] Notable Holies Of Burt Ward

• "Holy molars! Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth with TeethProtect Colgate®!"
• "Holy atomic pile, Batman!"
• "Holy haberdashery, Batman!"
• "Holy bill of rights, Batman!"
• "Holy demolition, Batman!"
• "Holy heart failure, Batman!"
• "Holy Long John Silver, Batman!"
• "Holy Captain Nemo, Batman!"
• "Holy costume party, Batman!"
• "Holy hole in the donut, Batman"
• "Holy strawberries Batman!"
• "The opposite of a girl is a boy!"