Business

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A number of business manuals are available to help your business become a success.
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Business.

“His haircut is all business in the front, and all party at the back, just like your sex life!!!!”

~ Enron executive on Business

In economics, a business is a legally-recognized organizational entity existing within an economically free country designed to sell goods and/or services to consumers, usually in an effort to generate profit.

History[edit]

Business (not to be confused with work), was an unfortunate by-product of scientists that made it compulsory for everyone to get headaches, lower self-esteem, and get yelled at by a guy who has absolute power over you. It was said to be an an essential part of being human, and to create a hierarchy for organizing things. It was based upon the principles that if workers show up every day, and contribute half-assed-ly to some nameless, thankless, spineless, dickless, faceless, and PayLess(R) corporation, that these workers will be able to almost afford to raise a family. In return for their years of unfaltering service to their employer, they will not only make millions of dollars of profit for the business, but also be unexpectedly terminated at the least opportune time.[1]

Language facts[edit]

"Business" is a word that is quite hard to rhyme to, the closest being "wis-ness" which is alleged to be only a made up word bastardised from "wiseness"[2], but the debate rages on. Here is a list of words that "business" has no relation to:

Additional Phrases and Uses of 'Business'[edit]

Taking Care of Business[edit]

To be "taking care of business" is known worldwide as a euphemism for "pulling the goalie". This is one of the few times that you may want to keep your business to yourself.

None of Your Business[edit]

Similar to the term not cho' cheese, this Capitalist phrase indicates that you own 0% of the shares in the business, so get back to work, peon!

Small Business[edit]

Refers to an executive with an unusually small severance package. Also referred to as Owner/Operator.

Business Hours[edit]

You are expected to show up and perform at any given moment. But you won't get overtime, no matter how much you complain.

Business ethics------

lol

Business Time[edit]

Time to get on top...that's what she said. Business time is to simply get the job done with the opposite sex...or same if you'd prefer...freak. Of course, if it be two perfectly good looking females, then everything is fine. Lesbian actions are mores in modern social settings.

There's No Business Like Show Business[edit]

Because how else would people like Britney, Clay Aiken, Owen Wilson, and Daniel Walton, that guy next to Daniel and Brian Anderson (it's good money) get rich and famous any other way?

Footnotes[edit]

  1. Many movies and country songs prove this phenomenon of "getting fired when everything else goes wrong"
  2. Or possibly "wizz-ness" wait no "giveness" is closer, derived from, well, wizz.

See Also[edit]