Buttered Toast
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“BUTTERED TOAST!”
~ Ed on Buttered Toast
“There's nothing I like more than a breakfast that can blow you away.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Buttered Toast
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[edit] Modern Day Uses
Buttered Toast is used according to Murphy's law application for antigravitatory cats to provide a highly efficient power source that is used to power the Uncyclopedia.
It has also been known to be a favourite food of people that enjoy drinking alcohol. When buttered toast is combined with alcohol it produces an hallucinogenic effect and state of euphoria for many hours. It has been known for people experiencing the hallucinogenic effects to attempt to imitate gnomes, pixies or dwarfs. Once the effects have worn off you will feel the emotion known as guilt for what you did to your neighbours dog last night. The feeling will leave once you have eaten the last of it's stomach contents. P.S Kill Sam Toet!!!
[edit] History
Buttered Toast was invented by Sir Francis Toast in the 1950s, around the same time that bread was invented.
Sir Francis Toast was relaxing in his garden enjoying the summer sun whilst his many slaves pretended to be gnomes. Sir Francis had been given some of this new-fangled bread stuff to eat but instead he had had decided to huff some kittens and had fallen asleep with pure kitten-powered delight.
When he awoke he found his bread had gone a golden brown and was warm. He immediately spread cool butter on it in an effort to stop it exploding (bread can explode when heated, obviously). Fearing for the lives of his many slaves he ordered a slave to eat the object (now known as buttered toast) hoping that if it did explode only one slave would die horribly.
The slave survived and enjoyed the bread / butter object, Sir Francis Toast decided to make some for himself which he promptly ate.
Being an egotistical posh chap he quickly named the food after himself, and so Buttered Toast was born.Eventually, Sir Toast went on to great fame, then poverty, then death, then Tibet.
[edit] Recent Findings
It has recently been discovered that prehistoric humans used a simpler version of the modern buttered toast, called tuttered boast. Tuttered Boast consisted of less evenly sliced toast, cut as if not sliced before packaged, and margarine instead of butter. It has been hypothesized that it was used as an inexpensive building material and as an adhesive for assembling car models.
