Butterfly

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So delicate. So beautiful. So deadly.

Contents

“I can't believe it's not butter!”

~ Oscar Wilde

The Butterfly Is NOT a flying insect. At most one can say that the butterfly has evolved into a bug that has become very bad in falling-to-the-ground. Every time the creature seems to complete the very simple task of crashing to it's doom it simply fails at it by suddenly shooting towards a totally non-crash related direction. Considering this it can be concluded that the one thing that butterflies excel at is mutating into horrible freaks of nature. For instance camouflage. Whereas the sane family member, the moth, is known for it explicit skills in camouflage the butterfly , being flawed in all its ways, accomplishes the following nono's regarding "survivability when being tasty bird snack":

  • Look like a big (obviously fake) eye so every bird can see you
  • Use bright blue colors to match the gray/brown tree bark
  • Be as yellow as you can be against the sky/pavement
  • Flap overly big orange wings in a mostly green flat environment
  • Imitate the appearance of birds that are very tasty as well

Butterflies are normally small in stature, but particular species have been known to match the wingspan of a commercial passenger jet.

[edit] Edibility

In addition to being tasty bird snacks, the butterfly is fit for human consumption. A colourful and delicious starter to any large meal, lightly-sautéed butterflies complement dry white wine perfectly. Celebrity chef and Holocaust denier Delia Smoth is well-known for her butterfly recipes such as Butterfly-in-the-hole and Butterfly Sausages. Bizarrely, butterflies are suitable for vegetarians due to a legal loophole from 1743 involving a serious misunderstanding about the nature of fruit.

[edit] Magical Butterflies

Are a horrible type of butterflies that use their laser vision to kill Russian babies. TO PREVENT THIS YOU MUST SACRIFICE A GOAT. If you would like to help destroy the horrible creatures please join the Kill the Magical Butterflies group. They also eat all your frozen waffles, without cooking them, and are plotting to take over the world starting with the black market.

[edit] The Monster Flap head Bug

Butterflies can Do it too

As easy as it is to dismiss this monstrous failure of proper natural selection one must not underestimate the butterfly and discard it as a trivial entity. Where it's more stable cousin, the moth, only causes death by getting a skull tattoo and logging itself into some girls throat, the butterfly is capable and responsible for far more deaths and destruction. Leading scientists in a large array of fields have drawn the same conclusion that certain families of the butterfly Lepradopeterror are souly responsible for many world wide disasters and tragedies. The most famous being the Chinese butterfly who's main objective is to cause tornados in Kansas as often as possible. These creatures are expected to cause the end of humankind in the year 2020.

THEN:In-hand manipulation is the ability to hold and move an object within one hand. In-hand manipulation skills are essential to the handwriting process because they allow the student to move the pencil from the palm to the fingers, make needed adjustments to the pencil for writing, and turn the pencil from writing to erasing with one hand. In-hand manipulation skills are divided into three major categories: translation, shift, and rotation. All categories may include “stabilization” which is the ability to hold objects with the ring and pinky fingers while moving an object with the thumb, index and middle fingers. The common sustinence for butterflies is a Denny's grandslam with extra bacon. "Hold the butter"

Butterflies are known to be famous amongst little seven year old girls- many of which having generic names, such as Jill, Cydney, and Nadia. Butterflies are also hated by people, but it is unlikely to hear someone say that they do not like butterflies. Except Kalea Garrett. Kalea Garrett HATES BUTTERFLIES. Butterflies are commonly known to be graceful, but in reality they are douchebags. Because, who would suspect something as pretty as the butterfly? Kalea Garrett would. Jill Amantea wouldn't. Shame, Shame, young Jill. The butterfly is most commonly know to KILL ALL.

Some people think that night butterflies (oftenly misconfused with moths) are a bad presage. (Can you even believe that shit?)



Butterfly are also known to cause the following :

The most dangerous butterfly species are :

[edit] Inferior Qualities

The butterfly simply is an inferior life form because of the following reasons. Butterflies suck at:

[edit] Butterflies and natural disasters.

The scientific community has discovered a deadly phenomenon known as "The Butterfly Effect". Butterflies have the uncanny and terrifying ability to cause tornadoes half way around the world on impulse, simply by flapping their wings. It has been determined that the ice age, hurricane katrina, the dust bowl, and several other natural disasters were all caused by butterflies. In fact, 100% of butterfly-related disasters can be related directly to butterflies. Every spring we have more danger of falling victim to a full-on apocalypse due to butterflies.

[edit] Counter Measures

Butterflies love BOOBS (.)(.)

The global awareness of the terror caused by the butterfly had been on the increase since the Elvis Glitter-suit disaster in Vegas (1976). The king,infected by the parasite butterfly species Blue Morpho, had uncontrollable urges to dress and eat just like a butterfly, a lifestyle that leads to the path of total destruction (and deaths on toilets).

To counter this global threat many nations started to introduce programs to kill off the evil butterfly. Alas to no avail. Recent counter measure attempts :

  • China killing lots of butterflies (and in that high spirited process by accident killing tons of politically opposed innocent activists (and babies)) only to trigger a Tsunami and a Hugh hurricane season.
  • USA Starting a global war on Iraqi butterfly terror , only to spark a new form of more wing-flapping Destruction.
  • North Pole Lowering the average temperature so the wing flappers can't survive.

[edit] More Irritating Features of Butterflies

Some people have suggested that an amazing thing about the word "butterfly" is that if one rearranges the letters you could spell "Flutter-by" (or Flutter by). Since Fluttering by is precisely what a Butterfly does some people feel the need to proclaim this humorous or entertaining, Which, of course, it is NOT.

There Is absolutely nothing amusing nor funny about the fact that, by pure coincidence, the letters in one word can be rearranged to form another word that means roughly the same. It's a waste of precious resources and the use of such nonsense should be punishable by law. The silly person that thought up the butterfly thing simply had to much time on his hands. Some sad Joe even invented a word for these cases in which to sets of letters form different words that mean the same thing. This type is of course the ultimate slacker and he/she should have been shot. He called these idiotic words spoonerisms.

Butterflies have been known to creep into the stomachs of humans whilst they are on swings, in love, or are nervous. When a person is nervous, a butterfly creeps inside his tummy through his belly button. Then, the butterflies force the said person to puke. This irritating behavior led to th near extinction of butterflies in the 1500's, because the naturally skittish people of France got annoyed. Now, escargot is made from butterflies.

[edit] Creation

The creation of a butterfly is very simple. All it requires is a steady hand and a small piece of butter. Tilt your arm at a 360 degree angle, and throw the butter in a specific way and it will fly, hence a butterfly. The art of making butterflies is very complicated and should be left to Martians.

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