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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Buttress.

A buttress is a female butt. This can be easily seen when the word is broken down into "butt" and "ress". Butt is well.... a butt, and the suffix "ress" refers to the feminine sex. You can use this argument against anyone who claims that you're using the word "buttress" in the wrong context.

Although most men are obsessed with buttresses, homosexuals tend to be interested in the buttler instead.

Uses of the Buttress[edit]

The uses of a buttress are numerous. One of the uses is as a support for the male genitals, hence the buttress's fashionable crease. The world's largest buttresses support ginormous cathedralp3n0rs (which easily make your own look even more microscopic). The buttress is a very important part of the Catholic faith, as bishops commonly take up their residence in these gigantic brobdingnagian gonads to make up for their own lack thereof. (If you're thinking about trying this out for yourself, it doesn't work.)

The buttress also has all of the functions of a vagina with one DIRE consequence: frequent usage will enter one into a process of "negrotization", which has genrally nasty consequences, including but not limited to an inexplicable desire for fried chicken, a degeneration of the language center of the cerebral cortex, and decreased sensitivity to UV rays. The condition can be easily treated with liberal doses of mayonnaise and politics. Inventing an "I'm an Interestingly Happy Whitey" dance wouldn't hurt either.

History of the Buttress[edit]

The invention of the buttress is highly contested. One account from the ancient Roman philosopher, Chuck Norris, when he wrote "I GOTS ME SUM BOO-TAY" in The Annals [sic], which clearly states that it is a naturally occurring phenomenon, akin to cans of tuna. The other school of thought suggests that during his experimentation with the different uses of the peanut, George Washington Carver discovered the buttress (although other accounts say that this discovery may have been the nuclear warhead).

Regardless of how it came to be, George Washington rediscovered the buttress in 1492 during his trips around the world to find ninjers. While he found no ninjers, he was able to easily cash in on the buttress. With the help of the local natives, some black people, and a few muskets, he had his first crop. He exported this back to his homeland, Kanedia, where all the white people jumped all over it because they had never seen anything quite like it before (HAW). Buttresses were now available to the filthy fucking rich all over Kanedia, Asia, and Mexico alike, and they commonly used it to drown out the taste of their shitty food, which consisted chiefly of stale nachos and instant ramen. It was some time before the buttress was used as it is today (thanks to Oscar Wilde).

Controversy of the Buttress[edit]