CBS
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“I Hate this eye.”
~ NBC Peacock on CBS
“It's that creepy eye!”
~ David Letterman on CBS
| CBS | |
 Eye See You. | |
| Country : Also available in : Owner : | East Monkey Land USA,Mexico,TexasAnd Your Ass, Doutor Roberto, And Roberto Marinho |
CBS, (stands for Cool Bum Sex) phonetic for See BS, is a Television station not based in Brazil, but rather, East Monkey Land
It provides high quality programming to senior citizens with low morales, and is considred to be Nickelodeon for Seniors. Few, if any, decent programmes have came from this network for any demographic under 80 years old, and as such is one of the few organizations which lives up to it's name. On september 432,2006, Cbs' visual teleprotractors failed, and revealed that the network was based in East Monkey Land.
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[edit] The Evil Eye
CBS has been under constant media attack since it used the Evil Eye as it's company logo, however even that didn't get it many viewers. The logo is believed to have came about when the current network owners, Roberto Marinho And Doutor Roberto, was bored in the shower one day. He decided to create a reverse-paradox quantoxic time machine (whatever the hell that means), and travel back in time, and into the world of fiction, to 1984 (the book and time), where he met Big Brother, who told him that eye's are "generally creepy" and also stated that "Dig 'Em' is the greatest American hero ever; Period."
In 1999, CBS were found to have been using the evil eye to conceal hidden cameras used to spy on it's viewing population. However court action was dropped when they realized that the only people being spied on had been dead for 3 years, and that there was no other reason someone would be watching CBS.
If you look at the eye for too long, you will be under the control of CBS.
In the late 1980's the CBS "eye on America" known today did not exsist. it had once been "CBS: Earing you loud and clear" however, Mike Tyson in 1999 decided to bite off more than he could chew, and a few ears, as a result "eye on America" was born. Tyson...yay.
The CBS eye also has a brazilian equivalent. A Brazilian TV Network called Bandeirantes uses an oval, green-yellow version of this eye.
[edit] Programmes
The station currently broadcasts Sports, News, and Crap, and is a constant live stream from each employee. Several famous programmes broadcast on CBS include, Crap Case, Craptime Sunday, and Crap Scene Investigation. All of which have received several awards for being the epitome of crap in their field.
Attempts were made at one point to broadcast to a larger audience, and CBS launched a Satellite to broadcast to other countries, such as those in Europe, their first mistake was attempting to broadcast the local news, their second was thinking that Frisbees and satellites worked in the same way.
[edit] Current Line Up
| 7:00 PM | 7:30 PM | 8:00 PM | 8:30 PM | 9:00 PM | 9:30 PM | 10:00 PM | 10:30 PM | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Sunday † | 60 Years | What's your Password? | Cola Base | Rastafarians: The Hidden Menace | ||||
| Monday | Local Programming | The Big Gang Bang Theory | How I Met Your Mother, That Bitch! | Two and a 3 Quarters Men | Some Sitcom w/ David Spade | Super Mario World's Funniest Home Videos | ||
| Tuesday | NCIS | Pimp My Scooter | Daterape: To Catch a Predator | |||||
| Wednesday | Lack of Talent with the Stars | Criminal Drama | CSI: Chicago: The Breaking Wind City | |||||
| Thursday | Greatest American Frog | CSI: Crap Scene Investigation | Vince Vaughn Bangs Your Mom | |||||
| Friday | Ghostbusters | nunbahs | The Flash | |||||
| Saturday | Crimethink Saturday | Crimetime Saturday | 48 Minutes left to live | |||||
[edit] Mid-Season Line Up
| 7:00 PM | 7:30 PM | 8:00 PM | 8:30 PM | 9:00 PM | 9:30 PM | 10:00 PM | 10:30 PM | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Sunday † | 60 Years | Big Brother | Crap Case | Jaws | ||||
| Monday | Local Programming | How I Met Your Mother, That Bitch! | A show about some Cougar getting knocked up | Two and a 3 Quarters Men | Some Sitcom w/ The Women From Seinfeld | Super Mario World's Funniest Home Videos | ||
| Tuesday | NCIS | Pimp My Scooter | Daterape: To Catch a Predator | |||||
| Wednesday | Lack of Talent with the Stars | Criminal Drama | CSI: Chicago: The Breaking Wind City | |||||
| Thursday | Survivor | CSI: Crap Scene Investigation | CSI: Dallas | |||||
| Friday | Ghostbusters | Moonshine | (|-|4.-4(73.-z | |||||
| Saturday | Crimethink Saturday | Crimetime Saturday | 48 Minutes left to live | |||||
[edit] Financial Troubles
It currently attracts just under 6 viewers a year, and makes approximately $4 (Canadian) a year in revenue, however recently viewing figures have increased almost 50% with the launch of their new flagship program, I Love Lucifer[1]. Recently, however, the company has fallen into debt after it's owners, Roberto Marinho And Doutor Roberto, spent $10 of company money, all 2 of his employees were outraged and since threatened legal action. They had to borrow an extra $20 to pay for all the "brilliant" shows that are on daily off some Loan Sharks, who in turn broke their kneecaps and scrotum's. They are currently residing in a back alley hospital, having sold one of their kidney's to keep CBS running.
[edit] See Also
[edit] Footnotes
