Special effects

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Special Effects are what you use when regular effects just won't do. Whether it be for your movie, your play or your wedding, nothing says class like a fireball with Clint Eastwood running out of it.

Are Special Effects right for me?[edit]

Yes.

How do Special Effects work?[edit]

Everything automatically becomes better when large explosions, kung fu or computer effects are added. Stuck in traffic? Add an explosion! Stuck in a funeral? The dead rise from the graves and attack the living! Stuck in a wedding? You chose badly. Sorry.

How do I use Special Effects[edit]

First, you need to gather up the following materials:

  • Gasoline
  • Michael Bay
  • A car from the 1970s
  • Dramatic music
  • A renegade cop who won't play by the rules
  • A bad guy wearing polyester clothing
  • More gasoline
  • Chewing gum
  • C4
  • MythBusters
  • More Michael Bay
  • A gun with an indeterminate amount of bullets left in it
  • A woman, either locked in the car or held in front of the bad guy as a human shield

Once you have all these, it's time to activate them. Simply raise your gun to twenty degrees below horizontal, narrow your eyes, spit out the gum, and say something witty. Anything witty. One killer one liner and you should see Dr. Polyester's eyes widen with fear just before a large explosion goes off behind him. Practice this with moderately evil people before graduating to real villains.