CSS

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo9.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Cascading Style Sheets.

Content Scrambling System, or CSS, is one of the methods by which web designers achieve complete unreadability of their websites.

The acronym CSS originally stood for Completely Screwed Sites, but its meaning was revised when the content obfuscation methods implemented in CSS proved to be too successful to be limited to just websites. Consequently, DVD drive manufacturers engaged in a worldwide "digital restrictions" conspiracy, and CSS became the standard encryption method for DVDs, replacing ROT13. There are absolutely no known precedents of CSS obfuscation being reverse-engineered, although it is speculated that there are reasons.

CSS as a substance[edit]

CSS (SCS) is a highly toxic substance used to torture all users of the internets. In reality it is of course made exclusively by the Microsoft-Google-Yahoo secret alliance of doom. Also it has close ties to CS2, which is the 1337 edition of the widely n00b infected Counter-Strike

CSS syntax[edit]

The syntax of CSS consists of those curly things, colons, ripped colons and almost all symbols in the ASCII table that actually have common names. Therefore, CSS is very easy to learn for Cplusplus and especially Perl programmers, which explains its omnipresence.

CSS has been used in the First Browser War of 1999, as part of the Spaghetti Arsenal. Part of this alliance was the nondescript JavaScript, as founded by Microsoft.

Common CSS techniques[edit]

CSS is most frequently used to alter the style of links on a web page. For example, to render all links in blue underlined text, you would use the following CSS:

a:active  { color: red;    text-decoration: overline }
a:visited { color: orange; text-decoration: none }
a:hover   { color: green;  text-decoration: none }
a:link    { color: blue;   text-decoration: underline }

The code above will change all links to blue, no matter if they are visited or hovered with a mouse. This is a great way to compensate for user agents, which don't default to blue underlined links.

An even more frequently occurring pattern in styling of hyperlinks is the following:

a:active  { color: red;    text-decoration: overline }
a:hover   { color: green;  text-decoration: none }
a:link    { color: blue;   text-decoration: underline }
a:visited { color: purple; text-decoration: underline }

The above code will produce a shining effect of rendering all visited links in purple - a technique which was available only for the most experienced designers on the pre-CSS era.

To ensure consistent readability, the following styles will make all fonts a uniform size:

*:hover { display: none; }

Culture[edit]

There is an entertaining party game played by web developers where someone brings a hard copy of some markup and CSS, and everyone tries to guess what it looks like in IE6. The actual rendered page is then shown, and everyone starts arguing about the correct meaning of the word "innovation."

Print Style[edit]

With the advent of Universal Stupid Paper printers, CSS implemented the ability to obfuscate paper printouts.

External Links[edit]

A funny blog about this system



VTE The cornerstones of the Internets
Internet | Internets | World Wide Web
Browsers Internet Explorer | Safari | Konqueror | Maozilla | Mozilla Firefox | Google Chrome
Languages Perl | PHP | Java | JavaScript | Internet-speak
Formats Image file formats (LIM PNG SVG) | HTML | SGML
Consortiums W3C