Cabbage

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	Cabbage (file info)
	Article as told by the survivor of a cabbage attack.

Try to fucking eat it. Just fucking try.

A Cabbage can kill you just by looking at you funny. They rip people in half all the time, and roll around in their bloody entrails. They wouldn't even think twice about tearing off your arm, and jamming it through your eyesocket so that the fingers are sticking out your mouth, and then kicking you in the nuts, which would make you BITE YOUR OWN FINGERS OFF. The purpose of the cabbage is to flip out and KILL.

My friend Mark said this one time he was going to the grocery store and this dude tripped over a cabbage, and the cabbage totally gave him an uppercut so hard the guy SWALLOWED HIS OWN JAW. The guy was just laying there crapping his pants and choking on HIS OWN JAW, and the cabbage just acted like nothing had even happened, and fucking walked away.

Many people speak of eating cabbage. This is literally impossible. You don't eat cabbage, CABBAGE EATS YOU. And that's if you're LUCKY. Cabbage are the scourge of the Earth, and the only thing worse than a pissed off cabbage is TWO pissed off cabbages. Studies show that if Bruce Lee, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Batman, and the whole U.S. Army were to take on a cabbage, the fight wouldn't last 10 minutes. After the dust settled, the cabbage would be sitting there with a cheeseburger made out of Bruce Lee and Batman's face on a chair made out of Arnie's bones. The Army would have run away like a bunch of pussies, because they knew they were next.

Cabbages are even more dangerous to the elderly, a retirement home is an all you can eat buffet to a cabbage. The elderly often naively take stray cabbages into their homes and bath them in fresh warm water, but the cabbages like a kitten in a bonnet plot their revenge, they hide amongst the old persons meals (as we all know no one would eat a cabbage willingly not even smelly old people), they then destroy the elderly from the inside, causing massive internal gas production resulting in the foul smell we are all familiar with, eventualy resulting in death. The government in the year 2000 in response to this released a factual documentry into all schools titled Mrs Caldicot's Cabbage War.

Don't fucking mess with cabbages.

[edit] See also

• Victory Cabbage
• Ninja
• {{Cabbage}}
  

  

  Don't you fuck with it. Don't you dare fuck with it.

[edit] References

• The Official Ninja Webpage

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